attackfish: Ron, drinking "felix felicis" while Harry watches, text "Always be specific when you lie" (Harry and Ron Rule 7)
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This is a challenge fic for [info]unusuallygen 

Title: Closing Doors
Fandom: Harry Potter
Non-Pairing: Sirius/Snape
Prompt: #46. Snape and Sirius are the only two gay boys at Hogwarts in their generation, and they want nothing to do with each other.
Summary: Sirius knows too much and says too much.

Author's Note: Firstly, I would like to apologize.  It irritates me to no end when a writer I like stops in the middle of a chapter fic to write a short fic, and here I am doing just that.  If it's any consolation, I'm starting on chapter eighteen of No Difference as soon as I post this.  Secondly, I'd like to say that I'm a bit ashamed of myself for taking my own challenge.  Last of all, I'm leaving it up to each of you to decide if Snape is really bisexual, or if that's all in Sirius' head.

Closing Doors


 Much to Sirius' consternation, the only other queer wizard at Hogwarts was Snape. Actually Snape liked girls as well as boys (there was absolutely no doubt in Sirius's mind that Snape liked boys) and he was so far into the closet that he had melded with the back wall, but that didn't matter.  Snape also had an obvious and perverse obsession with Evans, which Sirius did Not Get. Even more disturbingly, James liked Evans, which Sirius still did Not Get.  Worst of all, Snape liked girls too, and therefore had a better chance of getting laid than Sirius did.

Sirius did not like thinking about Snape.  He especially did not like being jealous of Snape, the greasy sniveling sod.  Damn it, he wasn’t likely to get to sod anyone.  It wasn’t right, the burning of envy he felt, he shouldn’t have to feel jealous of someone like Snivellus Snape.

He gazed lazily around the common room projecting the sort of effortless coolness that had taken him years to perfect, years in which he had not been at Hogwarts.  His eyes conveniently skipped over a few spots to avoid seeing James trying very hard to flirt with Evans.  She was having none of him.  She never had any of him, ever.

Since Evans had the audacity to be friends with Snape, really if James didn’t look at other girls some time, Snape had a better chance of getting laid than James, and that was deeply disturbing to him.  Sirius resolved himself again to find another bird for James to focus on.  The girl was no good anyway.  No self respecting Gryffindor would be friends with the slimy git.

 A few girls giggled at him, and he winked, a grin spreading quickly over his face.  They didn’t know he wasn’t interested in them, and he liked attention, no matter its form.  There was nothing wrong with liking to be liked.

His eyes also carefully skipped over Peter, whose entire chubby frame was beaming as he read a love note from his Hufflepuff girlfriend hidden inside his Transfiguration book.  Stanton was about as stupid as it was possible to be without failing out of Hogwarts and mean too.  She volunteered to help Slughorn prepare potions ingredients, and Sirius was convinced it had more to do with actually enjoying disemboweling small animals than it did with her improved marks.  Sirius swore that it would all end badly when she mistook Peter in animagus form for a real rat and tried to pickle his spleen.  Remus thought Sirius was quite paranoid about her, but he didn’t like her much either, though he said he knew what Peter saw in her.  So did Sirius.  She liked Peter, and that was all it took.

Sirius poked Remus, hard between the shoulder blades.  “Looking forward to Thursday?” he asked.

“What?  Oh, yeah,” but he didn’t sound particularly enthused.

“Our first time in Hogsmeade on a full moon.”

“Yeah, I know, be quiet about it, people can hear.”

Sirius shut his mouth, suitably admonished, but he snatched Remus’ Charms book away from him.  “You really need to relax, Moony, O.W.L.s aren’t for months.”

Remus tackled him and tussled with him o regain the book.  Sirius let him pin him and take the book, and while Remus sat on his chest, prying his hands off the book, he snorted.  “I like knowing the material,” he told Sirius, poking him between the ribs and making him wince.  “It makes me feel comfortable.

Sirius shoved him off.  “You have odd ideas about comfort.”

Remus tumbled back into his own seat, and before he had a chance to reply, James collapsed between them sulkily.  “You don’t have a chance with her,” Remus informed him matter-of-factly.


Sirius’ poor mood returned with a vengeance the next day.  Wednesdays were always awful, with Arithmomancy first thing in the morning and Transfiguration in the afternoon, but it was particularly trying that Wednesday.  Sirius had forgotten his Transfiguration essay and had to double back to get it after lunch, and Peter panicked, which was perfectly normal, because he had just realized that he had been so wrapped up in his letter that he had forgotten to do his Transfiguration essay entirely, which was also perfectly normal.

He trudged alone and despondent up to Gryffindor tower, his book bag thrown casually over one shoulder.  The outside of his bag showed nothing so much as his family’s wealth in its shiny perfection, but the inside was disordered in a way he liked to claim to Moony when he criticized it showed his eccentric brilliance.  So, when a split opened up along the bottom, it exploded onto the stairway in a heap of quills, unbreakable ink bottles, and crumpled up pieces of parchment.  He swore, jerking his wand in the direction of the split in his bag, repairing it hastily and started shoveling his jumble back into it.

The stairway shuddered, and with a great creak, tore away from the wall and started swinging towards the hallway that sloped down to the dungeons.  “No, no, no,” Sirius begged, “Don’t…” but if anything, the staircase started moving faster.  An ink bottle rolled off the bottom of the staircase and dropped all the way to the ground floor below.  He watched it fall and land upright with a thunk.  The staircases at Hogwarts were barmy.  Peter’s stairs didn’t have a mind of their own.  James’ stairs didn’t try to fling people off.  The stairs at number twelve Grimmauld Place didn’t suddenly change direction, even if they did try to eat his robes if he stayed on them too long.  The stairway rumbled to a halt, and he stood up uneasily.

If his movements off the staircase had been less graceful, they might have been called a scuttle, but Sirius didn’t scuttle.  At least, he didn’t think he did.  He strode as collectedly as he could down the slanted corridor, making his way down to a hallway that doubled back to a different staircase.  As he rounded the corner, he heard footfalls and looked up.

Sirius’ lip curled.  “Snape.”

“Black,” his cooked teeth were bared as he pulled his wand out of his cloak.  Sirius flipped his own wand into his hand and pointed it at him lazily.  “I see Potter has finally abandoned you, Black, have your little sycophants, Lupin and Pettigrew decided to follow him instead?”

Expelliarmus,” Sirius shouted, but Snape ducked.

Densaugeo,” Snape hurled at him, and Sirius had to jump ungainly out of the way.

Snape snorted derisively as Sirius almost stumbled.  Sirius rushed him and pressed his wand into the hollow of his throat.  “Don’t call Remus and Peter sycophants, you greasy little fairy!”

Sirius couldn’t figure out why he git was still smiling until he felt the other boy’s wand poking into him just under his ribcage.   “I’ve noticed, Black, that you’re most prone to insulting people with what you least like about yourself,” his voice dripped with an infuriating mock pity.

Sirius wasn’t backed up against the closet wall, but he was standing in the dark in the middle of it with the door firmly shut.  “You’ve gone completely round the twist, you know that, Snivelly?” Sirius yelped, coloring.

Furnunculus,” Snape whispered only, and Sirius staggered away, his skin erupting in boils.

By the time Sirius had managed to quell the swellings on every part of him and had returned to his friends, his Transfiguration essay clutched in his white knuckled fist, he was in the sort of frame of mind that meant he had to expend a great deal of effort not to glare at everyone around him.  James had a split lip because Evans had actually pushed him off the bench when he had tried to sit down next to her.  Sirius contemplated the somewhat alarming prospect that his best mate might like her because she was annoying.  That meant that even if James lost interest in Evans, he’d start chasing another girl just like her.

On the other hand, his mood was just as bad as Sirius’ right then, which was some solace.


Sirius had once entertained visions of Remus liking boys, and maybe liking him, but Remus had ruined them when he had become spectacularly infatuated with Sirius’ cousin Andromeda the year before.  Andromeda was a whole ten years older than they were, and she had a five year old. This five year old liked to tell him all about princesses and dinosaurs and leave sticky jam spots on everything she touched.  It was just perfect, in Sirius’ opinion, that Nymphadora in turn completely adored Remus and wanted to marry him.  He’d be able to tease Remus about it for years.

Ever since he had run away from home the summer before, Andromeda had been sending him letters, because as she put it, the few Blacks worthwhile enough to be disowned should stick together.  He and his friends had visited her that summer too, which was when Remus met Andromeda and Nymphadora.

Sirius handed over the glitter soaked picture Nymphadora had sent him to Remus, who blushed, giving him a sour look.  “I’m sure she’ll be very pretty in about ten years.”

“Go away, Sirius.”

“Maybe twenty.”

“Go away Sirius.”  The day before full moons, Remus was always out of sorts, and Sirius felt it was his job to get him back into sorts any way possible.  He was sure Remus appreciated it, even if he hunched in on himself and snapped at him.

“Nice picture,” James commented, sitting down next to Remus, “very sparkly.”

“You can go away too.”

“Looking forward to tonight?”

“Why would I?”

“We’re going exploring!” Peter said encouragingly.

“Are any of you ever going to go away?”

“No,” James patted his arm.  “You can’t get rid of us.”

They sat in companionable silence, waiting for it to be time for Remus to meet Madam Pomfrey.  Peter battled his way though the extra work McGonagall had given him for forgetting his essay.  At last Remus stood up with a resigned sigh and walked out of the common room.  Before he left, James mumbled to him, “We’ll see you in a few hours.”

“Good luck,” Sirius called.

When the moon rose, Sirius shot up impatiently and treaded his way through the common room.  James started counting under his breath as soon as he left.  On full moon nights, getting caught out wasn’t just a matter of a few points and a week’s worth of detentions, and they were too big anymore to all fit under James’ invisibility cloak, so they left separately.

The halls were empty and quiet in the lat evening hours.  Sirius padded through them, flinching each time his shoes rang on the stones.  James had the cloak, because it was his, Peter had the map, because he had really horrific luck, but Sirius had no help of any kind in sneaking his way to the Whomping Willow, and it wasn’t fair.

Gryffindors weren’t the only students who slipped away from their common rooms and dormitories after hours.  The occasional Slytherin came creeping out as well.  Snape had a bag full of food swinging from one hand and a dark look.  He passed the bag to his left and pulled his wand out of his robes when he saw Sirius.  “What are you doing here?” Sirius demanded, reaching for his own wand.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Snape muttered defensively.

Sirius ground his teeth.  “Run along then.”

Something in Snape’s expression changed.  “What are you hiding,” he asked sneering, “That you want me out of your way enough to let me go?”

“If you don’t go, I’ll be happy to send you off with a few hexes.”

Snape stood his ground, his want pointed between Sirius’ eyes.  “I’d rather hear where you and your Gryffindor pals sneak off to every few weeks.”

Tarantallegra,” Sirius, hissed, mindful that they could be caught.

Sectumsempra,” spat Snape, and Sirius leapt out of the way.

The spell caught his leg and the skin sliced open.  “Bloody hell!” Sirius shouted, wadding his cloak up and pressing it to the wound.  What did the git think he was doing, throwing around brand new spells like that?  “Fine,” he gasped snarling, “You want to know where we go? Press the knot at the base of the Whomping Willow!”

The expression on Snape’s face wasn’t quite a smile, but it was no less triumphant as he turned away from Sirius and walked down the hall.  Good, Sirius thought, let him be triumphant, he wouldn’t be so cocky when he saw… Remus.  Sirius swore.  “Snape, wait!”

Snape turned his head bet kept walking.  “Buyer’s remorse, Black?”

“You can’t go down there, it’s…” but Sirius couldn’t think of anything to say that wouldn’t give away Remus’ secret, or anything at all that Snape would believe.  He swore again as Snape walked out of earshot.  Sirius tried to stand up to chase after him, but his leg kept buckling.

It seemed to be an interminable wait until James came down the hall.  As he waited, a sinking feeling gathered in his chest and stomach.  Snape would walk down the tunnel, Remus would rip him apart, and the Ministry would dispose of Remus…”James,” Sirius yelled, catching sight of him, “Hey James!”


Date: 2008-02-26 03:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I enjoyed this. It's nice not reading a SB//RL pairing. I know this story is complete in itself, but I can't help wanting you to continue it :)

Date: 2008-02-26 03:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thanks, I'm glad you like it. I debated continuing it, actually, but decided against it at the last minute.

Date: 2008-02-26 09:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I think this is the first time I've read a story where Sirius is hoist on his own petard and can't get Severus to believe it's dangerous to go to the Shrieking Shack without hurting Remus. I could actually believe your Sirius and this somewhat less heinous reason for the "prank." And you nicely left it ambiguous as to whether Snape is actually gay or whether it is just wishful thinking on Sirius' part.

Date: 2008-02-27 01:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thanks, I'm glad you thought it was origional. I never really saw Sirius as malicious or a rotten human being, just a thoughtless one who didn't really consider how his actions affect others. I figured this prank had to be particularly thoughtless, because it had such a potential for hurting Remus.

I was originally intending to write further on, and in my outline, the next seen went like this:
Sirius: "James, please bail mine and everyone else's arses out of the shit I got them into"
James: *Facepalm*


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