attackfish

In response to the gentiles posting about the humanity of Hitler and the Nazis on Yom Hashoah

Fri, 17 Apr 2015 15:11:38 GMT

( Just one long Holocaust trigger )

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The Three Pillars Theory Of Azula

Wed, 08 Apr 2015 22:20:40 GMT

So during an *ahem* discussion of Azula and her abusiveness, I realized I have never sat down and written a comprehensive version of my particular theory of Azula's breakdown. I've talked about it in comment threads a lot, but I have never dedicated a post to it. So in response to a user on Tumblr who blogs under the name fireroyals, I wrote it up. I figured I should probably post it here The discussion this post is in reply to can be found at my tumblr [link].

( The Three Pillars Theory of Azula, or Ozai is Horrible, Azula is Scary (but also Scared), and I Will Hurt Anybody Who Claims Mai and Ty Lee Betrayed Azula )

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And the holidays will be over soon, please?

Thu, 01 Jan 2015 03:22:21 GMT

For those of you who wanted to know, the Holocaust menorah remained safely hidden away. Mom seems to have forgotten about it, probably because I cut off the tip of my finger (not as bad as it sounds but there will be a scar) mom set fire to the oven, and I had a seizure, and then word came in that my dad's good friend, who has been a good friend to the whole family finally succumbed to his lung disease and passed away on the 26th. My mom and dad drove to Albuquerque so my dad could give the eulogy. So on the plus side, I tossed the horrible menorah in the trash, on the minus... everything else.

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Obligatory Hanukkah Post: I'm getting worried plotting against Mom's menorah is a family tradition.

Wed, 17 Dec 2014 23:55:10 GMT

Once upon a time, back when my mother had newly converted, and we were still attempting to accumulate all the judaica we needed to set up a ceremonially functioning Jewish household, my mother bought this beautiful menorah. No, seriously, it was gorgeous, very aesthetically pleasing, unfortunately. Each candle is held by a replica of a synagogue destroyed by the Nazis.

Now the last thing I want to think about during one of the few almost unshadowed holidays Judaism has is the Shoah. Really, no. This menorah became legendary among my Jewish friends in high school, in a sort of "Oh how was your Hanukkah?" "Well, my mom brought out the Holocaust menorah again," kind of way. The sociologist in me wants to say that I bonded with my fellow Jewish kids, and affirmed my Jewishness by talking anout having the kind of quirky Jewish mother who had a Holocaust menorah. I'll leave it to you to decide if that's what I'm doing now.

Anyway, ever since my mother bought the thing, I've been plotting its demise. First I tried to reason with Mom, by explaining to her just how horrifying it is, but sadly, she has remained intractable. In addition, each year, I have attempted to replace the Holocaust menorah, including one year when I made a confection of copper and brass wire that I still consider the single best example of my wirework. [link] That thing nearly killed me, literally, as I developed an asthmatic reaction to copper while making it, and really, that should have been enough right? No. Mom loves it. She says it's too pretty to use, she doesn't want to ruin it.

So at that point, grinding my teeth, I was almost ready to conceed defeat. But not quite. Sadly my grandmother caught me trying to lose it during the move, but I have other similarly ethically dubious tricks up my sleeve. This year I may or may not have hidden the Holocaust menorah in an undisclosed location, and while my mother is out of town visiting her father, put up every single other menorah we have, which given that I tried for ten years to replace my mother's inexplicably beloved Holocaust menorah, is kind of a lot of menorahs. I think I've done it this time. We'll find out when Mom comes home Friday. Wish me luck.

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No Indictment

Tue, 25 Nov 2014 02:33:09 GMT

Darren Wilson murdered a young man, and the fine citizans of this country can't even get their heads out of their backsides long enough to indict? Why do things like this keep surprising me? Michael Brown's family deserves some measure of justice, and the prospect of them getting any has become just that much more remote.

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Minor Family News

Wed, 19 Nov 2014 13:24:28 GMT

My cousin, specifically my father's sister's daughter, got her mitochondrial DNA tested for heritage markers, and it came back that she was of German Jewish extraction, through her mother's mother's mother, etc., which makes me of German Jewish descent through my father's mother as well. This doesn't surprise me in the least, since I have certain genetic issues much more common among Ashkenazi Jews that don't show up on my mom's side, but I thought it was through my father's mother's father, not her mother.

I'm delighted to have proof however, not because I'm glad to know I have more Jewish heritage (being Jewish isn't exactly something I feel insecure about), but because my paternal grandmother was a horrible, abusive woman who gave her children and grandchildren deep, lifelong emotional scars, and the only reason I was spared the same was because my dad cut off contact with her after she went after my sister. Anyway, she was also deeply anti-Semitic, and it gives me a rush of spiteful pleasure to know she's of Jewish descent, and I only wish she could have known before she died. I hope she's rolling in her grave.

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Now if I could just stop coughing

Mon, 17 Nov 2014 13:15:50 GMT

I am officially out of voluntary quarantine and no longer contagious! Yay for antibiotics!

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If anybody out there wonders what my parents do for fun...

Mon, 17 Nov 2014 02:55:41 GMT

They make things like this:

Explains a lot about me, really.

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So I probably have whooping cough

Tue, 11 Nov 2014 15:03:29 GMT

I just did field experience in an elementary school that had it going around (thank you anti-vaxxers) and I had never completed my vaccination schedule for it since I reacted so badly to the first shot, and I have all the right symptoms. I feel miserable and gross, and have an appointment with my NP this afternoon for final diagnosis. I'm coughing until I can't breathe, and I think everybody should pamper me and write me fic, you know, to keep my spirits up.

Also, I'm probably never going to get to see my baby niece again. Damn it. Good thing is, I've been staying away from her because I was worried I'd pick something up during field experiece. Turns out I did.

EDIT: Diagnosis confirmed. I have whooping cough. Big whoop.

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Frozen, Legend of Korra, Avatar: the Last Airbender, and the Narrative Right to Trauma

Sun, 12 Oct 2014 19:11:55 GMT

Trauma in modern American media is a tricky thing. On one hand, the backstories of nearly everyone, heroes and villains alike are full of it. On the other, trauma is heavily shamed, and leaves characters open to accusations of weakness, or of being whiny. This means that while we want characters who go through traumatic experiences, we are extremely uncomfortable with expressions of trauma. Also, we are much more comfortable with some expressions of trauma than with others. Only certain kinds of traumatic expression are allowed, and like so much about culture, who and what a character is determines what kind of traumatic expression we as a society will allow them to have. Straight white men are given the most freedom to be traumatized, and stereotypically masculine trauma is the most widely viewed as legitimate within fandom in my experience. A character who was in battle and suffers symptoms of PTSD for example is much less likely to be called weak than a character recovering from an abusive relationship who has the same symptoms. A character who lashes out is much less likely to be considered weak than one who breaks down crying. A character who reacts with anger is seen as stronger than one who reacts with fear. There are very few roles for the traumatized woman or girl in American media. Traumatized women can be broken damsels in need of rescuing, but then once the danger is past, the damsel either recovers quickly, or disappears. They can be villains, who use their trauma as an excuse to hurt others, or they can... well. This isn't to say that portrayals of men coping with trauma are all that great either. For all there are so many more of them, they are usually not especially nuanced, though of course some are.

( This is why I was so amazed and grateful when I saw Avatar: the Last Airbender for the first time, and why Frozen struck such a chord with me as a woman dealing with childhood trauma. Now, in Book Four of Legend of Korra, the narrative is once again giving a female character, this time its heroine, Korra, the space and the right to be traumatized. )

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To my Jewish Followers

Fri, 03 Oct 2014 18:25:31 GMT

I am not fasting for Yom Kippur due to my chronic illness (funny story, I mentioned the possibility of Yom Kippur fasting once to my doctor, and she started muttering about obviously suicidal patients), and this year, Mom’s joining me in not-fasting for the first time due to recuperating from the lung disease, and I would love it if anyone has any thoughts as to other ways the two of us can observe Yom Kippur without fasting, aside from the contemplation and seeking to right wrongs, and donating to the food bank, especially since Mom is still too ill to attend the longer service.

Also, I hope all of you who are fasting have a quick and easy fast.

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Temple Threat Update

Wed, 01 Oct 2014 14:41:30 GMT

For anyone concerned after I mentioned the threat against my synagogue, the FBI figured out who made it, and it turns out it wasn't a threat. The person who made it has a mental illness that features hallucinations, and they had a vision of the temple being attacked, and called to warn us. Since this person is well meaning, and severely mentally ill, no charges are being filed, and hopefully, the person involved will be able to get the treatment they need. Anyway, this means I will be going to Erev Yom Kippur services this year, though the full Yom Kippur service is still too much for Mom's health. She's doing very well, by the way, and recovering from the lung disease with very little scarring, but she still thought it best we pick the shorter service.

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L'Shana Tova

Sun, 28 Sep 2014 17:21:57 GMT

I know I should have made a Rosh Hashana post earlier, but first services were canceled Wednesday because an anonymous someone made threats against the temple, and the FBI had to be called, so I went to class instead,which was canceled because my teacher's husband was in the hospital, and the school email was down, so I didn't find out until I showed up. Then I got home and sprained my ankle taking the dogs out. At that point, I was kind of feeling like "And happy blankity blank new year to you too, universe!" Thursday, I had a bunch of appointments and a sick dog, and Friday I had a seizure, which I spent yesterday recovering from.

But anyway, L'Shana Tova, everyone, may the new year be sweet, and to those of you who aren't Jewish, Nyah nyah, no new year for you.

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A Question about Fannish Terminology

Wed, 17 Sep 2014 19:45:50 GMT

sholio wrote an essay just recently about why Steve/Bucky AUs don't work for her (the AU part, not the Steve/Bucky part) and quite apart from the contents of the essay, it got me wondering about what we call AUs in fandom currently. Back when I got started, *crotchety old fan voice* things like high school AUs and coffee shop AUs were called "ARs", or Alternate Reality fics whereas "AU" referred more broadly to both ARs and also "what if" stories. However, sholio only talked about AR-style AUs, and a number of her points don't really work for what if AUs. A while back, I ran an Avatar: the Last Airbender AU meme, and after getting almost exclusively AR prompts (and most of those for fusions) I had to explain that what if prompts were definitely also accepted. I periodically see meta about how the writer of said meta doesn't think AUs are enough like canon, then goes on to describe only AR-style AUs.

Did the meaning of AU narrow and I didn't realize it? I would kind of like to know, most of what I write other than drabbles are what-ifs. What if Lupin bit Snape when they were in school, what if Azula captured Zuko at the beginning of "The Southern Raiders," what if Iroh died when he drank white jade tea. The story I'm working on right now is a what if: what if those Earth Kingdom soldiers in Book One had managed to capture Iroh and Zuko and take them to Ba Sing Se. If these aren't AUs, I kind of would like to know what to call them.

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The Highs to the Lows

Mon, 15 Sep 2014 20:57:16 GMT

Not only did I wake up this morning and it was hot again, but also my oxygen concentrator is on the fritz and I have to send it to a repair shop in Tennessee. I know this of course because I needed it. Fortunately, it concentrated oxygen just fine for me, but it has a problem detecting my breathing, and it beeped at me constantly, which was not conducive to sleeping or reading, or thinking about anything. So I have to arrange temporary oxygen now, for while it's gone.

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Ahhhhhhhh, Bliss.

Sat, 13 Sep 2014 23:52:58 GMT

It's gray, drizzling, and cool outside, and I just turned a bunch of chicken bones, a head of celery, two lemons, three cups of wild rice, a bunch of parsley, two onions, and five pounds of chicken into ten servings of fantastic soup. Fall is finally here, and it's not allowed to leave.

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Dear Anonymous Reader Who Commented on a Six Year Old Fic to Say I Wrote Lily as a Bitch and a Whore

Sun, 17 Aug 2014 15:25:50 GMT

Thank you for reminding me why I haven't tried to finish those two WIPs I have in the Harry Potter fandom.

At the risk of sounding too much like a Precious Princess, especially after I started Children of Mars, I attracted a lot of virulent partisans who slammed me every time I posted anything, because they didn't like the way I portrayed their special favorite baby. One of the reasons I stopped writing Harry Potter fanfic was I was just tired of dealing with it. I had to delete so many anonymous comments full of profanity and slurs that posting a new fic or a new chapter was something I dreaded instead of looked forward to. Every so often, I get comments on my old Harry Potter fics, and most of those comments are absolutely lovely and can brighten up my whole day, but sometimes they're that same old nastiness.

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Ferguson Missouri

Thu, 14 Aug 2014 23:01:05 GMT

I am too sickened to say much about the pseudo-military police occupation in Ferguson Missouri, except that I would love to know who the police think they are serving and protecting with their tear gas, assault rifles, and armored vehicles. The only thing I can see being protected is their own power, and their own supposed "right" to murder young black men by shooting them in the back.

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Robin Williams and Mental Illness

Tue, 12 Aug 2014 16:51:34 GMT

( What follows is a potentially triggering discussion of the circumstances surrounding his death, and some of the ways I’ve been hearing people talk about it. )

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This tree, everybody!

Mon, 11 Aug 2014 17:25:21 GMT

Look at it!

It's been two and a half weeks since the last picture. This tree's just going wild.

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Home

Mon, 11 Aug 2014 16:01:34 GMT

I'm home now,and I've gotten to meet my nice, and hold my niece, and she is the cutest little nub in the history of little nubs, and if I'm not careful, this blog will become the "my niece is wonderful!!!!!" blog. She woke up and blinked at me and snuffled at me, and when I rubbed her little arm, she sighed.

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Baby!

Fri, 08 Aug 2014 16:50:18 GMT

I have a niece! She was born late in the evening two nights ago on the 6th of August, to my brother and his wife. She topped out at eight whole pounds and nineteen inches long! She made her poor mother endure almost twenty-four hours of labor, and when she came out, her face was all swollen. Her huge cheeks made her look like a little bitty old lady queen Victoria. The swelling is going down now, and we're finally getting to see what she looks like.

And of course, I'm stuck at my doctor's in California, so I don't get to meet her until Sunday. Until then, I am relying on the pictures my sister-in-law has been sending us. My favorite one is of her mama holding her, and she's yawning. I love her little yawn.

Anyway, if you can't tell, I'm smitten.

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Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Trees

Sat, 26 Jul 2014 22:04:38 GMT

Back in New Mexico, my family used to rescue dogs. We lived out in an area where people would go to dump their dogs, and we would find them, take them in, and find homes for them, or most of them anyway, since Amy and Solo ended up becoming ours. It was all very informal. This isn’t something we do anymore, since we’ve actually not run across any stray dogs that we haven’t been able to find their owners since we moved to Alabama, much to my father’s relief.

A couple of weeks ago, my grandmother was driving past a construction site when she spotted a beautiful little wild mimosa tree that was slated to be bulldozed. She asked the foreman if she could dig it up and take it home, and he gave her the okay. Our yard man agreed to pick it up for us, and the next day, he went out to get it. Well, when he dug out around it, he discovered that its roots were wrapped around concrete, and he had to cut most of them of to pry it free. There was only this little stub of root material, and he never would have done it if the tree weren’t going to die anyway.

So he brings it over to our house, and plants it, and immediately, all of the leaves on it shrivel up, die, and fall off. The yard man says he gives it maybe a ten percent chance of surviving. The outer branches started to go brown, and it looked like he was right, and there was no way that tree was going to survive.

Then last week, the buds started to appear. And they grew, and grew, and grew, and now look at it:

This little sucker is actually going to make it.

Anyway, back when it was still this bare stick my grandmother had insisted on sticking in the ground, she told the whole story about seeing it and rescuing it from being bulldozed, the poor thing. My dad took one look at it, sighed, and said, “And here we have the start of the North Alabama Tree Rescue...”

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At Least the Online Release will Prevent Piracy

Fri, 25 Jul 2014 14:20:10 GMT

So in less than twenty four hours, new Legend of Korra episodes will be on the actual TV for what may be the last time in forever. Unlike a fair bit of this fandom, I don't think even a massive raise in ratings for these last two episodes will change Nickelodeon's mind about moving to an all digital release. I think that the Nick execs made up their mind that Korra couldn't succeed, and so provided it with none of the tools necessary to make it succeed, and I also think that at this point, they would be able to talk themselves out of recognizing even massive success. So I am not going to plead with my followers to watch, but I for one would kind of like this franchise's TV run to end with a bang rather than a whimper.

Also, I'm jealous, because I'm stuck at home finishing up the summer semester, instead of at Comic Con with all the cool kids.

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Korra, the Airbenders, and What Makes a People

Sun, 13 Jul 2014 19:03:57 GMT

One of the things I loved best about Avatar: the Last Airbender is that it faced head on issues that few other shows, for adults or children, were willing to touch. Stories are how we learn to shape our own views of the world, and Avatar: the last Airbender did this with such a frankness, emotional honesty, and critical imagination that I ate it up with a spoon as eagerly as any child in the intended audience. This is why I was so disappointed with the first two books of The Legend of Korra, and also why I am so hopeful after seeing the premier of Book Three: Change.

( Cut for All The Spoilers, and I'm also starting to think I need a Jewish tag )

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