[identity profile] water-soter.livejournal.com 2013-07-15 06:35 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh don't get me wrong, I completely agree that family always has some affect on the person, just that they should not be held accountable for the actions of the individual unless it's proven that they in fact enabled that kind of behavior. But most families are immediately judged and held accountable and that I find unjust as well as unfair. Some though, deserve their share of the blame at least.

I suffered from bad depression. I mean, extreme as in cutting, wanting to die sort of depression for years, and I had no control over my emotions through most of my youth, it was horrible. Not to mention feeling stupid because of my dyslexia and social incompetence. I just didn't get people and didn't know how to behave around them so I went around imitating others' behavior and I annoyed people a lot because of that. So yeah, control is a major issue for me, but yeah, I so get what you're saying.

Jeez, I was so clueless about everything around me and lived mostly in my head so I didn't notice a lot of things when I was younger, so I guess I lucked out because if someone was bullying me, I didn't notice at all. I just thought they were jerks.

[identity profile] attackfish.livejournal.com 2013-07-15 06:52 pm (UTC)(link)
And it goes the other way too. "He's awful because of his family. Don't punish him, feel sorry for him!" I'm sorry. If he's awful, and his family taught him how to be awful, there's blame enough for all. I agree that many innocent families are also blamed unfairly. I think it's one more aplication of the "just world" fallacy. "I'm good, my family is good, therefor, non of my children will ever end up like that." The favorite thought process of victim-blamers and bigots everywhere.

(by the way, your family affects you, it has an effect. Weird English language crap FTW)

I'm sorry. I never cut, but I almost became an agoraphobe, and had myself convinced of my general worthlessness for several years. I spent a lot of time with my mom or dad sleeping in bed with me so that they could be sure I wouldn't get up in the middle of the night to kill myself. It's a horrible feeling, and I hope you're in a better place mentally now.

I'm not the most socially aware person either, and at the time, I was dealing with really severe cognitive issues, but being grabbed and held down by a gang of kids while they shoved sand in my mouth and tried to choke me made me realize really quickly what was happening.

[identity profile] water-soter.livejournal.com 2013-07-15 07:29 pm (UTC)(link)
###"I'm good, my family is good, therefor, non of my children will ever end up like that." The favorite thought process of victim-blamers and bigots everywhere.###

Indeed. In Mexico class matters a lot and there's lines people don't cross, it's just not done, but when someone does cross that line all hell breaks loose.

I so wish people would stop blaming their actions on others things and people and just accept responsibility for their actions. But of course not, because poor them, they had bad childhoods or parents that didn't love them or they were high/drunk . . . nope, sorry, no excuse!

Yeah, accept and except, I always get those two confused, thanks for the heads up!

People didn't mess with me physically, since that's not the sort of thing that is acceptable in Mexico. If someone's being a bully, in public school at least, they freeze them out until they either break down or apologize. In private that's a completely different environment, but I never saw anyone mess with someone physically and certainly not me. Everything else was fair game.

I wasn't as bad as that, but I felt like I didn't deserve anything, and my family thought that if they were hard on me, I would get mad and be all like, you know what, I'm going to stop with the pity party and be better at everything just to show them. Yeah, that didn't work out so well.

I am mentally much better. I probably wouldn't recognize myself from then, I'm very different. I don't let people walk all over me anymore and I've learned to like myself and not freak out every time I make a mistake or social or otherwise. I used to go over it in my head constantly until I convinced myself what a worthless person I was, but now, I'm like, okay, I made a mistake, learn from it and move on.

[identity profile] attackfish.livejournal.com 2013-07-15 07:47 pm (UTC)(link)
*hugs* I'm so glad!

Physical bullying is tolerated in US schools to a ridiculous extent. Emotional bullying is barely acknowledged as real. People are only just starting to cotton onto the fact that maybe bullying is not some cute little rite of passage.

[identity profile] water-soter.livejournal.com 2013-07-15 08:08 pm (UTC)(link)
Yeah. It's incredible how many times a day I hear people excuse bullying as part of growing up. But it's like people need to torture one another to make themselves feel good about themselves. And they don't let up. I honestly don't know what schools can do about this when parents and teachers and administrators just stand back and do nothing. What can be done?

Thanks, I do feel so much more mature. My accident also helped me gained perspective. Life is funny that way.

[identity profile] attackfish.livejournal.com 2013-07-15 08:28 pm (UTC)(link)
Yeah, bullying is part of growing up for so many of us, but you know, not that long ago, polio was a part of growing up.

[identity profile] water-soter.livejournal.com 2013-07-15 08:50 pm (UTC)(link)
Snort, yeah, that is so very true. It's a plague on our society on every level. Sigh, takes a shot in your honor.