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attackfish) wrote2008-08-18 08:56 pm
750 word Maxidrabble snippit thing: Telephone Trees
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thematic_hp Disclaimer: Nope, still not JKR...
Prompt: #93 (round 11) Computer/Wizard Interface: Welcome to Computer/Wizard Interface (or some other snazzy name). We update your computer to work with magic and your wizading needs. Bonus - some pureblood that would normally be out of their depth with Muggle technology.
Summary: In which Draco runs afoul of former professors and Muggle wire boxes.
Author's Note: Astoria is Astoria Greengrass, a character not mentioned in the books that JKR said marries Draco. She is Daphne Greengrass' (a Slytherin girl in Draco's year mentioned in book five) younger sister.
Telephone Trees
A falsely cheerful prerecorded voice answered the phone as soon as Draco pressed the last key. “Welcome to Magical Information Services English Regional Customer Outreach. Please stay on the line for our option menu.” Draco groaned. It was all
He had to have his Tetris, he didn’t want Astoria to see him cry like a baby until she had already said “I do” at the alter, but all his computer would give him when he turned it on was a blue screen, a humming screech, and an animation of a dragon breathing fire at him.
“For warranty renewals and software updates, press one now,” the voice grated. Draco didn’t know what software was. His finger hesitated above the button.
“For returns, press two now! For ordering, press three now! For technical support, press four now! If you wish to speak to our legal department to threaten us with a law suit, press five now!” Draco hammered on the four, and heard ringing. After a few minutes, a new prerecorded voice informed him “We’re sorry, there’s no one available to take your call. Please stay on the line, and the next available representative will be with you shortly. Your call is very important to us.”
Draco waited, painfully reminded that he hadn’t wanted to buy a telephone either.
And waited.
And waited, until at last, the phone picked up and a third prerecored voice told him that his call was being recorded for quality assurance. He heaved a sigh of relief, until the available representative spoke. “Miserco technical suppor’ may I help ya?”
Draco almost dropped the phone. “Hagrid,” he gasped horrified.
“Malfoy?” the half giant rumbled. “What are ya doin’ with a computer?”
“That’s none of your business, you incompetent pile of dragon dung, put me on the line with someone actually capable of assisting me!”
“Now tha’s no way to talk to yer former professor, Malfoy, I can deny service to anyone I choose,” he quoted.
“Look, you ignorant oaf, I just want to play my Tetris again, so tell me how to make it work!”
“Well, firs’ yeh turn it on,” the man explained patiently.
“Unlike you, I am not an idiot. Didn’t you here me mention that I had already played Tetris before?”
“No need to get testy Malfoy.” A hint of threat colored his words.
“Just tell me how to make the blue screen with the dragon go away,” he demanded sullenly.
“”Is tha’ all?” Hagrid asked happily, “yeh just turn it off, talk to it a bit, and turn it back on.”
“That’s it?” he shouted. His computer wanted some attention?
“Well it migh’ take a bit more if yeh’ve been swearin’ or yellin’ at it, but yeah.”
“Don’t tell me I’ll have to stroke it,” he ordered.
“Couldn’ hurt.” Hagrid told him, confidant that all the computer really needed was to be restarted.
He grumbled “thank you,” hung up, and stroked and cooed at the metal box, telling it how pretty and sweet it was, and how much he loved it, until he supposed he’d placated the miserable contraption. With a happy sigh, he pressed the on switch, and the computer buzzed to life, starting up as if nothing had ever been amiss. “You truly are a beautiful machine!” he cried to it, clicking on the Tetris icon delightedly.
Even as he waited for the computer to shut down and swore to it that he’d never neglect it again, a sharp throbbing pain grew between his eyes. For a horrible panicky moment, he was sure that the waiting and talking to the half giant buffoon had given him a brain tumor, or at least some form of bleeding. He’d finished dialing the support number again before he’d even realized he’d grabbed the phone. “Legal department, legal department!” he muttered furiously as the electric voice answered. As soon as he heard that option, he slammed his finger down on the five button and waited for the ringing and holding. Instead, he heard a faint click, and then a loud blaring mechanical screech. He swore loudly.
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I think I'll go pet it now...
Like usual, you make me laugh. Unlike usually, you make me crave Tetris. No, wait, I was thinking about Tetris earlier today. You make me crave Tetris more than I already was.
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Of course, the hard drive is miles away from here, being worked on (and given up on) by the computer guy my dad knows. So, I would have been pretty scared if it suddenly flared to life.
But I did kiss the screen, and I got pretty sentimental.
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Tetris craving! I can see Draco getting addicted to slot machines too.
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Draco gambling. That would be a fun way for him to waste the Malfoy fortune.
*chants "Tetris... Tetris..." and dresses like a cult member*
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I'm also very handy with a screwdriver. My dad plays with computers the way some guys play with cars, and I spent a lot of my childhood taking apart and putting back together and sweet talking into working my then eleven year old computer. I was literally cleaning rust off the wires of that thing every few months. I couldn't do anything with it really, except play Tetris and mess around, because it was still on dos, so I got a shiny new laptop when I started high school instead of a car (ah, I show my privileged existence). and that's the one that dropped. The screen cracked, and I did a lot of damage to the possessor, (which I got working again) but unfortunately, there's some sort of black fluid behind LCD screens, and it started leaking into the wiring, which was when I finally had to gwet rid of it.
I backup as I go along!
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(Anonymous) 2008-08-21 06:10 am (UTC)(link)Manic ferret energy. Canon Draco would kill you. Fanon Draco would scowl at you, but he'd secretly go to Las Vegas just so he could find this elusive manic ferret energy (because he mistook it for maGic ferret energy)
I see a plot bunny now... Maybe later, when I have my own computer to write on. I'm on my sister's laptop right now. Because, of course, my computer is still broked.
Stupid spell check doesn't think broked is a word...
DOS is awesome. I wish I had a computer that ran it still. I have this really fun old computer game that I can't play anymore because it's too old. And my daddy won't buy me an old computer (he bought me a new one, though. I guess that's better)
I didn't want a car when I started high school. I hardly even wanted to drive. It's not too embarrassing to be a senior in high school, hanging out in the band room after class, waiting for mommy to come pick you up from school.
Also, I apologize because I have gone insane. You can just ignore me and my ramblings if you want.
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Nah, Canon Draco would freak out, try to kill me, and then screw it up in some clever but horribly whiny fashion.
Dos is awesome, but I wanted a computer I could use for school. Did I mention the rust on the wires?
Well, my computer spell check claims that "riche" is not a word.
I spent my years of high school so sick, and coming home early every day, usually incapable of driving should I have owned a car, that it didn't matter much.
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(Anonymous) 2008-08-21 06:11 am (UTC)(link)no subject
Great story!
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Tetris is God. I worship him too.