Ooh, pinch-hitting, that's never a good gig. Congrats for successfully finishing it, though!
Some of it has to do with our still very powerful "wedding as the most important day ever for a woman" we have especially in the states
It's the same in Korea. I really had to tune up my bullshit tolerance for my own wedding. I wasn't comfortable with the way I was on center stage, either, because hello, I'm not going to be a different person tomorrow, everyone!
That reminds me of a Mormon joke vmuzic told me. A bride upon her marriage told her mother, "I've reached the end of all my troubles." Said her mother, "You're right. You just don't know which end." Marriage is the beginning of a whole new story, not the end of the woman's story, and you're right that too many people disregard that in seeing it as an end point, a goal. I think this view of marriage is actively unhealthy, because too many women think like the bride in the joke, that once they're married that's it and everything will work itself out, no more work required. UGH NO. Is it any wonder so many people grow disenchanted so quickly once they're actually married? Unrealistic expectations are a bitch.
most of the characters with only one parent killed off are missing their mothers, and if the mother is alive, she's usually absent.
This is actually a big thing with fantasy, including the Abhorsen Trilogy. Both Sabriel's and Lirael's mothers are dead, though they play some small supporting roles. In the case of Lirael's mother, her role for the story seems to begin and end with the decision to follow her vision and conceive Lirael, thus carrying on the paternal Abhorsen heritage. (Not saying the office of the Abhorsen is only passed on through the father's line, since everyone assumed Sabriel's son was the next Abhorsen, but that's how it happens within the events of the trilogy.) It's interesting how Sabriel won't be passing on that part of her inheritance to either of her children. Instead the next Abhorsen is Lirael, who got it directly from their father and won't be taking on any of her maternal lineage as a Clayr. Sabriel and Lirael's mom were both effectively vessels to carry on the bloodlines of elite men, when you think about it.
In fact the whole Abhorsen series is an intriguing example of power conferred by bloodline, a major theme in fantasy, which brings up larger issues of what heroism means in terms of privilege. Thanks to this discussion an essay is percolating in my brain examining the meaning of heroism.
doing heroic things takes you away from your kids. That's a given, and needs to be addressed when a mother does heroic things.
the construction of girlhood verses womanhood (girlhood, you can have adventures, womanhood you can't, marriage and motherhood breaks girlhood from womanhood)
I wonder if that's a function of the stories we choose to tell rather than the relationship between motherhood and heroism. Is it better to have adventures than to raise kids? In fact in real life most people would rather spend time with their kids and spouses than go to war or otherwise risk their lives. A spouse's unwillingness to spend time with family, whether that spouse is male or female, often breaks up marriages. Aren't we falling for a very specific view of heroism, or what's "better" or worth a story, when we're putting an arbitrary division between peaceful life and heroism?
A father can go off and do things without being seen as a bad parent in the same way a mother would, and thus lose audience sympathy.
That's very true, we have a double standard for mothers and fathers. To me this seems a case of sexism hurting men as well as women, though. A man who is absent from family life may have freedom, but freedom at what cost? What happens after the accolades fade if he's alone without emotional support, especially since realistically he's likely to be traumatized from the brutal action he's seen? If heroism for violent action really were enough to prop up a life, the United States alone wouldn't have more than 300K veterans sleeping on the streets on any given night.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2013-02-13 06:43 am (UTC)Some of it has to do with our still very powerful "wedding as the most important day ever for a woman" we have especially in the states
It's the same in Korea. I really had to tune up my bullshit tolerance for my own wedding. I wasn't comfortable with the way I was on center stage, either, because hello, I'm not going to be a different person tomorrow, everyone!
That reminds me of a Mormon joke
most of the characters with only one parent killed off are missing their mothers, and if the mother is alive, she's usually absent.
This is actually a big thing with fantasy, including the Abhorsen Trilogy. Both Sabriel's and Lirael's mothers are dead, though they play some small supporting roles. In the case of Lirael's mother, her role for the story seems to begin and end with the decision to follow her vision and conceive Lirael, thus carrying on the paternal Abhorsen heritage. (Not saying the office of the Abhorsen is only passed on through the father's line, since everyone assumed Sabriel's son was the next Abhorsen, but that's how it happens within the events of the trilogy.) It's interesting how Sabriel won't be passing on that part of her inheritance to either of her children. Instead the next Abhorsen is Lirael, who got it directly from their father and won't be taking on any of her maternal lineage as a Clayr. Sabriel and Lirael's mom were both effectively vessels to carry on the bloodlines of elite men, when you think about it.
In fact the whole Abhorsen series is an intriguing example of power conferred by bloodline, a major theme in fantasy, which brings up larger issues of what heroism means in terms of privilege. Thanks to this discussion an essay is percolating in my brain examining the meaning of heroism.
doing heroic things takes you away from your kids. That's a given, and needs to be addressed when a mother does heroic things.
the construction of girlhood verses womanhood (girlhood, you can have adventures, womanhood you can't, marriage and motherhood breaks girlhood from womanhood)
I wonder if that's a function of the stories we choose to tell rather than the relationship between motherhood and heroism. Is it better to have adventures than to raise kids? In fact in real life most people would rather spend time with their kids and spouses than go to war or otherwise risk their lives. A spouse's unwillingness to spend time with family, whether that spouse is male or female, often breaks up marriages. Aren't we falling for a very specific view of heroism, or what's "better" or worth a story, when we're putting an arbitrary division between peaceful life and heroism?
A father can go off and do things without being seen as a bad parent in the same way a mother would, and thus lose audience sympathy.
That's very true, we have a double standard for mothers and fathers. To me this seems a case of sexism hurting men as well as women, though. A man who is absent from family life may have freedom, but freedom at what cost? What happens after the accolades fade if he's alone without emotional support, especially since realistically he's likely to be traumatized from the brutal action he's seen? If heroism for violent action really were enough to prop up a life, the United States alone wouldn't have more than 300K veterans sleeping on the streets on any given night.