attackfish: Yshre girl wearing a kippah, text "Attackfish" (Default)
Door Number One: The System

In life, Abigail Sharma was an inspector for Her Majesty’s Inspectorate of Constabulary, the British equivalent of Internal Affairs.  Now that she’s dead, she figures all that’s behind her.  But when she sees the slimy piece of scum she caught taking kickbacks from a human trafficking ring bribe his way a few steps up on the reincarnation ladder , she tries to report it, and the big Gods give her a job.  Root out corruption in the divine bureaucracy, with no badge and no backup, before the Gods she’s investigating manage to reincarnate her... as a slug.

Reason Not to Write: I would need to learn a lot more about British culture and law, British police procedure (for example, what rank would she even have held?), race in the UK, and Hinduism.  Also, this really probably shouldn’t be written by a bored white girl from the States (Holy cultural appropriation, Batman!).

Door Number Two:
The Tower Guard

Once, Anthony had been destined to be king, but now his family’s kingdom is gone, transformed into a provincial backwater to the massive Cantash Empire, and the peasant Imperial Soldier who captured him is now the provincial governor.  She keeps him in a cell high in a tower in his family’s own palace.  But winds in the Imperial capital are gathering, and both he and his captor will be caught up in the storm...

Reason Not to Write:
  I keep starting it, getting bored a chapter in, and giving up.

Door Number Three:
Off Kilter

Sorcha’s old teacher was a liar, a thief, and a murderer, but she got away before he could drain her powers like he had the rest of his students.  Now, a divorced mother of two, she plies her skills where she can, making her living from the smallest magics, and tries to forget the man is out there, just waiting for his chance.  But when her son starts hearing voices on the wind, and her daughter keeps seeing a man’s face in the mirror, she knows her teacher is getting close.  And when he mage council sends a warrant out for her arrest on charges of misuse of magic, she knows she has to act and act fast, or what he failed to do to her, he’ll do to her children.

Reason Not to Write: I don’t know, every time I try, it just keeps coming out too much like an attack on the whole genre of Urban Fantasy.
attackfish: Yshre girl wearing a kippah, text "Attackfish" (Default)
The Will of a God

“I thought I told you if you ever slept with a man who could not beat you in fair combat you would suffer my wrath!” the war god thundered his bloody gaze falling on the scrawny form of the man beside her. The flames from the god’s sword miraculously didn’t set the pillows on fire, but she could feel them burn where the blade touched her neck.

Her new boyfriend stared wide eyed at the shining terror standing at the foot of the bed.

She didn’t even bother pulling up the sheet and winked. “Our Scrabble matches are very combative.”

Author's Note:
 So it's a stupid, misogynistic, melodramatic trope, so I feel compelled to spoof.

attackfish: Yshre girl wearing a kippah, text "Attackfish" (Default)
Since the few people who commented said they'd like to see these, here goes.

Summary: A vampire  has a craving to explain the facts of life to anyone who'll listen.
Disclaimer: I don't need no stinkin' disclaimer, it's original!  I claim, I claim!

Discrete Young Ladies )

attackfish: Yshre girl wearing a kippah, text "Attackfish" (Default)
So sitting at my mother's computer in the middle of the living room, with no privacy to speak of and none of my normal programs, or even spell check, my brain refused to cooperate and form coherent paragraphs.  Somehow though, I was in the perfect mindset to get out a pen (how retro) and paper and count syllables, so I wrote haiku.  In other news, I have a computer now, and I will post the next Children of Mars chapter on time, though the fact that I haven't finished it yet is a bit of a personal disgrace.


Words fall through my hands
And splash onto the paper
As splatters of ink

The First Chapter

Blank paper stares at me
So I write something stupid
So that I can delete it

Hard Truth

Puppy tongue on cheek
Cuddling against my nose
Man, you need a bath

Unflattering Metaphor

Soldiers are the spines
Money, the water inside
My state, the cactus

Why I Write Novels (and Sometimes Short Stories)

Most poets talk love...
Or Nature.  I'm out of love
I don't do nature

Yeah, I know, less than a hundred words.  I'm lazy and particular, and I will be a good girl from here on out.  Also this morning, I had a bit of a panic because my dog chewed up my flash drive, with my novel, and what there is of chapter ten of Children of Mars, but after attacking it with pliers and bullying it into shape, all I lost was the most recent chapter of my novel.  *Sniff*
attackfish: Yshre girl wearing a kippah, text "Attackfish" (Default)
Author's Note: While taking my Central American Politics class, I wanted to write something set in a world based on Guatemala at the height of the political oppression, but I never managed to get my plot to grow into anything longer than a 250 word drabble.  Guatemalan society for more than a hundred years was run by the coffee growing elite, who controlled the government and enforced a form of debt slavery on the rest of the country's population.  The military was almost entirely deployed internally, as an arm of political control to keep the peasents working on the coffee plantations.

Coffee Bean Ghosts

The first time Gnat stole something, it was a soldier's coat, into the belly of her dress.  She had been pregnant then, so it just looked like more bump.  After that, she pilfered a soldier's trousers from the laundry and a box of ammunition from the bed closest to the barracks door.  That night, a bayonet hung from a string around her leg.  She heard the whispers as she walked past the guards.  She's just Alvero's lover, no danger.

As soon as she made her way home, she kissed her husband and he dressed in the soldier's uniform.  He hefted the soldier's pack onto his shoulders, and at the rustling inside, Gnat hushed her daughter.  The jungle rose thick around them as they crept away, Javier's hand around her waist.  "Just looking for a little privacy," he called to the guards at the gate and they looked down at his uniform and the brown faced woman, and waved him through with a laugh.

Out of sight, Gnat pulled a handful of Coffee beans Alvero had given her to show her what she was growing out of her pocket and she tossed them to the ground behind her.  "Natalia Calderon y Ortega," she said to them, and as soon as she did, they rose up and followed where She walked.  In the darkness, the beans wore the face of her grandmother and stopped them each time they grew too close to soldiers.  They slipped into the pack to distract her granddaughter.

attackfish: Yshre girl wearing a kippah, text "Attackfish" (Default)
I have made these bits of silliness and froth, one each, for the ladies at Smart Bitches Trashy Books, the wonders who managed to get me to read romance and enjoy it (but only the good stuff) as a congratulations for their successful google bombing of Amazon rank and for the release of their book Beyond Heaving Bosoms: The Smart Bitches' Guide to Romance Novels. Excuse the purple prose, the anachronisms, and the fact that for the most part, bodice rippers went out in the mid 80's...

For Smart Bitch Candy, Bodice Ripper: In which the lady and lord find a way to liven up the loving )

For Smart Bitch Sarah, Secret Cabin Boy: In which I'm sad to say, the captain isn't wearing a dress or played by Robert DiNero )
attackfish: Yshre girl wearing a kippah, text "Attackfish" (Default)

Author's Note: well this YA fantasy novel won't get written...

Cats had only one expression, Carlos found, disdain.  He plopped the shelter tabby down on his comforter and turned his head, looking at it from every angle.  Flexing its claws, the cat padded across the green and yellow quilt squares, leaving brown, orange, and cream hairs all over them.  "Hola, como se llama usted?" it meowed.

Carlos staggered backwards as quickly as his legs would carry him.  The cat... The cat...  "No hablo Espanol," he babbled, exhausting what little Spanish he had learned from movies and kids at school.

The cat licked its paw, eying him contemplatively, "No hablo Ingles."

attackfish: Yshre girl wearing a kippah, text "Attackfish" (Default)
When I was twelve, I went to Young Writer's Camp and the teachers passed around a poem "Things to Think About While Getting a Spinal Tap" written by kids our age about being stoic under miserable circumstance.  Unfortunately, I can't find the "spinal tap" poem text.  The bright lime green paper has been sucked into nothingness, and when I search for it on Google, all I get is stuff about the movie and the band, but I did find the poem I was assigned to write on the same theme.  The teachers said to us, that they knew none of us were chronically ill, but surely we had some nasty experience for which we had to be brave, and then everyone turned to me and laughed.

I like this much better than I did when I was twelve, when I was too irritated that I had to write in free verse.  The only thing I've changed is to shorten the title from "Things to Think About While Becoming a Pincushion" to:


She has movies, hundreds of movies, every movie Disney ever made
These shots don’t hurt, she says, they just go under the skin
Needle goes in
Skin puffs around the fluid
I kick, scream, bite
I still have a white spot there
Little scar
I’ll get you a toy after this, Mom says
It’s always the first toy I see in the store, too tired to go further in
A little older, Mom says I’ll get you books
I like books
Soon my bookcase is so full I have to double and triple shelve
Ugh, Mom, I’m drugged, I’m sick, let’s go get a book tomorrow
Next time, we get one before the shots
Read it slowly, make it last all weekend, through shots on Saturday and being sick on Sunday
On Monday, there’s the library
Journals and pencils, Mom, I want to write
But lead smears, I’ve lost those stories
No great loss
When the shots come, mind’s the first thing to go, I don’t write
Watch Disney movies instead
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