Yeah, and also thinking that you're done, it's over, you're over then something happens and boom, you're right there again, as though all that pain and healing meant nothing. It's easier to get through those stages, but it gets to the point I just want to say, enough!! Leave me alone!! Doesn't really work. Emotional scars are the hardest to deal with.
My family has grown and they are better about it, but recently, one of those hurt me so much that it has taken me weeks to be able to digest it. I won't talk to them again if I can help it. But they visited and it was so hard. I essentially told my mom, this is between us and you need to enjoy him since he so rarely visits and he is my brother. But he's so abusive for so long I just . . . I'm done. I just am.
I cut for a while to get through it, and some days when I'm especially down, I itch to do it again. It's better now then it was, but still there.
The worst part of it all is that I wanted people to feel sympathy for me because I never felt they did because I was so tall and looked to together. I wanted that support, but I didn't get it then and now it feels so . . . pathetic to allow myself to want it now.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2013-10-05 03:18 am (UTC)My family has grown and they are better about it, but recently, one of those hurt me so much that it has taken me weeks to be able to digest it. I won't talk to them again if I can help it. But they visited and it was so hard. I essentially told my mom, this is between us and you need to enjoy him since he so rarely visits and he is my brother. But he's so abusive for so long I just . . . I'm done. I just am.
I cut for a while to get through it, and some days when I'm especially down, I itch to do it again. It's better now then it was, but still there.
The worst part of it all is that I wanted people to feel sympathy for me because I never felt they did because I was so tall and looked to together. I wanted that support, but I didn't get it then and now it feels so . . . pathetic to allow myself to want it now.