There seems to be two camps with regards to Azula and abuse, one says she was abused and Daddy made her the way she is, and poor baby, we should forgive her (there's a high crossover between this group and Tyzula shippers, and also with the people who say Mai and Ty Lee should have been better friends to her, and the people who think Ursa abused her. A lot of them also speculate that Ozai sexually abused her. On the other hand are the ones who go "what, are you guys nuts?, he favored her. He abused Zuko!" Whereas I am closer to the latter camp, but not really in it either, since my contention is that Ozai did not make Azula evil, and Ursa (or Zuko, Mai, Ty Lee and Iroh) certainly didn't make her evil, but Ozai still abused her, and that every time he abused Zuko, he was abusing Azula as well, showing her the price for not being perfect.
My abuser's family dynamic was very similar to the Fire Nation Royal family in a lot of ways, but there were some important differences. Her father, who was just like her, adored her and favored her Just like Ozai did Azula (and just like Ozai, he adored her like I adore ice cream, like instead of love as you put it. I don't think he was capable of really loving her) but unlike Ozai, he favored her just because they were kindred spirits, and didn't have impossibly high standards he expected her to meet to keep his favor. Also, her mother loved her, but was in deep denial about what her daughter was and what she was doing, which meant that while her love was real, she loved an image of her daughter. Also, both her mother and her father saw her older brother as the problem child, and both emotionally abused him themselves, and allowed his sister free reign over him. They also both ignored the existence of their youngest daughter almost completely. So because of my experience with a family like the Fire Nation Royals in which the mother loved her daughter in the way the Azula apologists say Ursa should have loved her, and that real love involves believing one's child is perfect, I think it's easier for me to see through that particular rhetoric on motherhood.
Her brother was also extremely possessive of his things, and catching his sister or her friends in his room was liable to enrage him. At the time, I thought it was because he was crazy. In retrospect, it was because every time his sister was in there, something bad happened. Plus it was his safe space.
There are two really nasty threads in American society, one that says that being abused (especially sexually abused) causes you to become evil, and also that having been hurt excuses bad behavior. Both are used by abusers, and I think they both explain why the two camps I mentioned with regards to Azula are so separate. The idea that someone might be abused and also horrible without the former causing the latter is difficult for a lot of people to grasp. It's related to this really sociopathic idea that people are either predators or prey. Not only is the idea that you can be neither, you can be a good person who is not a good target for being preyed on ignored in this world view, which is the point of it, but also, this version of the world erases the fact that being a predator doesn't stop you from being prey. Azula is a predator. She is an abuser. She is, to use simplistic language, evil. Evil people don't have any kind of mutual understanding wherein they won't be evil to each other. Being abused and being abusive are not mutually exclusive, and one doesn't necessarily cause the other.
This isn't to say the abuse didn't affect Azula. One of the major personality differences between my abuser and Azula is just how afraid Azula is, all of the time. This fear, and her extremely fragile self image, is what led to her breakdown. So Ozai didn't make his daughter evil, but he did drive her insane. Nice guy, great father.
So I find myself in the very small "Azula was abused, and she's evil unrelated to that and it excuses nothing!" camp. So I find myself understanding and sympathizing with Azula, and also sympathizing with and understanding her victims, having been in their place.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2014-04-04 12:56 pm (UTC)My abuser's family dynamic was very similar to the Fire Nation Royal family in a lot of ways, but there were some important differences. Her father, who was just like her, adored her and favored her Just like Ozai did Azula (and just like Ozai, he adored her like I adore ice cream, like instead of love as you put it. I don't think he was capable of really loving her) but unlike Ozai, he favored her just because they were kindred spirits, and didn't have impossibly high standards he expected her to meet to keep his favor. Also, her mother loved her, but was in deep denial about what her daughter was and what she was doing, which meant that while her love was real, she loved an image of her daughter. Also, both her mother and her father saw her older brother as the problem child, and both emotionally abused him themselves, and allowed his sister free reign over him. They also both ignored the existence of their youngest daughter almost completely. So because of my experience with a family like the Fire Nation Royals in which the mother loved her daughter in the way the Azula apologists say Ursa should have loved her, and that real love involves believing one's child is perfect, I think it's easier for me to see through that particular rhetoric on motherhood.
Her brother was also extremely possessive of his things, and catching his sister or her friends in his room was liable to enrage him. At the time, I thought it was because he was crazy. In retrospect, it was because every time his sister was in there, something bad happened. Plus it was his safe space.
There are two really nasty threads in American society, one that says that being abused (especially sexually abused) causes you to become evil, and also that having been hurt excuses bad behavior. Both are used by abusers, and I think they both explain why the two camps I mentioned with regards to Azula are so separate. The idea that someone might be abused and also horrible without the former causing the latter is difficult for a lot of people to grasp. It's related to this really sociopathic idea that people are either predators or prey. Not only is the idea that you can be neither, you can be a good person who is not a good target for being preyed on ignored in this world view, which is the point of it, but also, this version of the world erases the fact that being a predator doesn't stop you from being prey. Azula is a predator. She is an abuser. She is, to use simplistic language, evil. Evil people don't have any kind of mutual understanding wherein they won't be evil to each other. Being abused and being abusive are not mutually exclusive, and one doesn't necessarily cause the other.
This isn't to say the abuse didn't affect Azula. One of the major personality differences between my abuser and Azula is just how afraid Azula is, all of the time. This fear, and her extremely fragile self image, is what led to her breakdown. So Ozai didn't make his daughter evil, but he did drive her insane. Nice guy, great father.
So I find myself in the very small "Azula was abused, and she's evil unrelated to that and it excuses nothing!" camp. So I find myself understanding and sympathizing with Azula, and also sympathizing with and understanding her victims, having been in their place.