You do not cast an abuser's self-serving distortion of reality as an emotional experience that anyone can sympathize with
Exactly! There are times when I empathize with the sheer depth of Azula's anxiety and insecurity, but that doesn't mean I am ever ever willing to use Azula's framing of an incident as the truth. Azula frames every incident in a horrible self serving way. This doesn't make her a tragic monster, it makes her a pretty typical abuser.
And this is aside from the fact that as you said, "It wasn't that she felt wounded that they left her control by asserting themselves, it was that she felt the entire basis of her existence was undermined by the fact that she had misread them so badly." I'm not sure Azula in her own warped framing even views it as betrayal as we understand it.
EDIT: Yeah, the condescending, pitying, "Oh you don't know anything because you were abused" crap she spewed, all dressed up in supportive language really pissed me off. I had my brother read that bit, just to make sure I wasn't totally paranoid, and he's like "yeah, you wouldn't devalue an abuser's experience, except how you just did." It's pretty classic "As the person affected by this issue, you are too close to it. I as a [insert privileged identity here] should be the one to make those decisions, since I have perspective" bullcrap.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2015-04-11 01:02 pm (UTC)Exactly! There are times when I empathize with the sheer depth of Azula's anxiety and insecurity, but that doesn't mean I am ever ever willing to use Azula's framing of an incident as the truth. Azula frames every incident in a horrible self serving way. This doesn't make her a tragic monster, it makes her a pretty typical abuser.
And this is aside from the fact that as you said, "It wasn't that she felt wounded that they left her control by asserting themselves, it was that she felt the entire basis of her existence was undermined by the fact that she had misread them so badly." I'm not sure Azula in her own warped framing even views it as betrayal as we understand it.
EDIT: Yeah, the condescending, pitying, "Oh you don't know anything because you were abused" crap she spewed, all dressed up in supportive language really pissed me off. I had my brother read that bit, just to make sure I wasn't totally paranoid, and he's like "yeah, you wouldn't devalue an abuser's experience, except how you just did." It's pretty classic "As the person affected by this issue, you are too close to it. I as a [insert privileged identity here] should be the one to make those decisions, since I have perspective" bullcrap.