Say Goodbye To Teenagehood

Today is my twentieth birthday, which worryingly, implies that I should write some sort of retrospective of the two decades of my brief life.  That either would be boring for you or humiliating for me, so I will make it even briefer and give you a retrospective of the last two days instead.

In case any of you had any doubt as to my political affiliations, I do my civic duty by a volunteering for the Obama campaign and I make those annoying phone calls that never seem to stop.  I get them too, because there's no cross checking the lists of volunteers with the potential voters to be called.  I feel so guilty.  Anyway, calling hundreds of strangers every Sunday provides for quite a bit of accumulated strangeness.

Fish: Hello, may I speak to Potential Voter?
Potential Voter's Wife: He's dead.
Fish: ...
Potential Voter: *from across the room* No I'm not!

People will do anything to get us to stop calling.  A few threaten to vote for Nader if we don't.

Yesterday evening, I rushed down to the University to pick up the girl that you know as Rose to protect the thoroughly guilty, and my boyfriend so that we could go out to dinner with my parents' money, which is part of my present from them.  Rose and I wore pinstriped fedoras.  This made up for the misfortune that befalls me whenever I bring her out in public.

Rose: Do you remember when your mom threatened us with a knife?
Boyfriend: Knife?  What Knife?  Is there something I should know about this crazy woman?
Fish: I told you not to talk about that ever...

It's not as bad as it sounds.  Mom claims it was justified, and we got the best of her anyway.

Fish: *singing* Mahna mahna.
Rose: do do da-do do, Mahna mahna.
Mom: *grabs kitchen knife and waves it at us* No jury in the world would find me guilty!
Fish: Mahna mahna.
Rose: do do da-do do.
Mom: *whimper*
Rose: Mwahahahahaha!

I'm sad to say my last night as a teenager didn't involve any drugs, wild parties, or orgiastic unprotected sex.  My last chance has passed.