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So, I wanted so bad to watch the inauguration, but that was the first day of semester, so I had to stop stroking the television screen and cooing and go to political science classes. The irony hurts. My professors all thought so too, so we ended up just watching coverage of the inauguration for the first day of class instead of reviewing the syllabi. Since I can't summon up anything more intelligible about the inauguration than SQUEEEEEEEEE! and that hearing Rick Warren quote the Shema made me die a little inside, I can't blog about it.
Now, I absolutely do not like Twilight. I hate it. The writing is bad and it makes my inner (and outer) feminist antiracist cry like a baby with diaper rash. The characters are cardboard cutouts, and I'd say it was just really bad writing if Edward weren't a cardboard cutout of a stalker, and the werewolf Natives weren't hideously stereotyped and descended from wolves. And I didn't need to be reminded of Edward's icy beauty every page.
But did you know that as a Mormon, Stephane Meyer believes that Native Americans are descended from one of the twelve tribes of Israel? You know, Jews? Did she just call Jews wolves? DID SHE JUST CALL ME A WOLF?
Fish: I'm actually okay with that. I like wolves better than I like Stephanie Meyer.
Rose: so what're you going to do now that you're you know, a WOLF?
Fish: I'm going to Disney Land!
Speaking of Mormons, my dad was raised in the Mormon church. When he was seven, The Bishop pulled him to the side to talk to him about his upcoming baptism.
Bishop: When you turn eight, you'll become accountable in the Church.
Dad: but I don't want to eat people!
Bishop: Must not laugh at the little kid, must not laugh at the little kid.
So, I like to tease my dad that his trauma of mishearing accountable as "a cannibal" is the real reason he left the church in his twenties.
When I was in middle school I kept up the pretence of being at least a semi-jock. I was on the track team, and on track meet days, I wore my team uniform to school with everyone else. Track meet days were wonderful cherished things, for our uniforms didn't come anywhere near to meeting dress code strictures, and we got to see more teen girl and boy flesh those days than our poor bodies could handle. We wandered around glazed-eyed in hormone induced dazes, seeking to absorb as much of the sight of boys and girls in tight satiny spandex tops and very very short shorts. I got to be a sex symbol!
Fish: Please stop staring at my knees.
Mormon Friend: *swallows tongue and turns red*
Fish: Oh God, don't keel over, please keep breathing!
Mormon Friend: I'm lusting after a woman.
Woman? I was thirteen years old and spotty. And I had braces. I would have been hugely flattered, if a few years later I didn't learn just how undiscriminating his tastes were.
Fish: I need to fix you up with a girl.
Mormon friend: The only reason I'm not dating anyone is that I can't find a girl I can talk to without having lust in my heart.
Fish: I need to fix you up with a boy.
Now, I absolutely do not like Twilight. I hate it. The writing is bad and it makes my inner (and outer) feminist antiracist cry like a baby with diaper rash. The characters are cardboard cutouts, and I'd say it was just really bad writing if Edward weren't a cardboard cutout of a stalker, and the werewolf Natives weren't hideously stereotyped and descended from wolves. And I didn't need to be reminded of Edward's icy beauty every page.
But did you know that as a Mormon, Stephane Meyer believes that Native Americans are descended from one of the twelve tribes of Israel? You know, Jews? Did she just call Jews wolves? DID SHE JUST CALL ME A WOLF?
Fish: I'm actually okay with that. I like wolves better than I like Stephanie Meyer.
Rose: so what're you going to do now that you're you know, a WOLF?
Fish: I'm going to Disney Land!
Speaking of Mormons, my dad was raised in the Mormon church. When he was seven, The Bishop pulled him to the side to talk to him about his upcoming baptism.
Bishop: When you turn eight, you'll become accountable in the Church.
Dad: but I don't want to eat people!
Bishop: Must not laugh at the little kid, must not laugh at the little kid.
So, I like to tease my dad that his trauma of mishearing accountable as "a cannibal" is the real reason he left the church in his twenties.
When I was in middle school I kept up the pretence of being at least a semi-jock. I was on the track team, and on track meet days, I wore my team uniform to school with everyone else. Track meet days were wonderful cherished things, for our uniforms didn't come anywhere near to meeting dress code strictures, and we got to see more teen girl and boy flesh those days than our poor bodies could handle. We wandered around glazed-eyed in hormone induced dazes, seeking to absorb as much of the sight of boys and girls in tight satiny spandex tops and very very short shorts. I got to be a sex symbol!
Fish: Please stop staring at my knees.
Mormon Friend: *swallows tongue and turns red*
Fish: Oh God, don't keel over, please keep breathing!
Mormon Friend: I'm lusting after a woman.
Woman? I was thirteen years old and spotty. And I had braces. I would have been hugely flattered, if a few years later I didn't learn just how undiscriminating his tastes were.
Fish: I need to fix you up with a girl.
Mormon friend: The only reason I'm not dating anyone is that I can't find a girl I can talk to without having lust in my heart.
Fish: I need to fix you up with a boy.
