attackfish

I woke up on New Years Day with the third chapter of Children of Mars only half finished, my legs twitching so bad I couldn't get out of bed without falling over. It took me half an hour to hobble down the stairs and another two hours to shamble into the kitchen to take a benadryl. I will never eat pinon pine nuts ever again! So my pets didn't get fed until eleven O'clock, my legs ached for the rest of the day, I gave up on getting dressed for the day, and this was not my idea of an auspicious beginning to the new year.

And then, to cap it all off, I find that the inanimate objects are still out to get me.

Fish: My lamp has gone off the deep end.
Cat: Really now.
Fish: It won't stay lit unless it rests on my nightstand. If I move it, it winks out, or flickers. It's a fluorescent bulb, not a candle for gods sake, it knows better.
Cat: It is delusional.
Fish: Or on shrooms.
Cat: Two means to the same end.
Fish: True, I hope it's the latter though, because then if I just take them away, my lamp will be normal again. I have to find its dealer...
Cat: Aw, but normal is so boring.
Fish: It's a lamp. It has no right to self actualization.
Cat: Anti-lampist! Fluorescophobe!
Fish: They're all wastrels and degenerates! If we don't put them in their proper place, they'll murder us all!
Cat: Or turn us all into their slaves, and seduce your daughters?
Fish: Rape them, and the boys too!
Cat: Knock 'em up?
Fish: The boys?

Suddenly I was overcome with the image of naked slave boys with palm fronds, fanning a junky dorm room desk lamp with the bendy clip-on thing, and a pregnant slave boy serving it coffee with ice and whiskey.

Aha, there it is, I'm back.