Pastiche: He's a Pain

[attackfish]

This is just a little Pastiche of Carly Simon's "You're so Vain" about Gilderoy Lockhart, because I don't even have to write new lyrics for the song to fit him.

Disclaimer: I am neither J.K. Rowling nor Carly Simon

He's a Pain

 

Son of a gun

 

He walked into the classroom

Like he was walking into a show

His cape strategically matched with his dress shoes

And his sash with its little bow

He had one eye in the mirror

As he acted out his prose

And all the boys dreamed that he would shut it now

He would shut it now, and

 

He’s a pain

I had to write these lyrics about him

He’s a pain

I had to write these lyrics about him

‘Bout him ‘bout him

 

He had them several years ago

When he took their memories

Well he said “your ugly faces on the covers

Of my books? Pu-lease”

He knew the books would never sell

If the hero wasn’t he

He had some schemes, they were signs of a small mind

Signs of a small mind and

 

He’s a pain

I had to write these lyrics about him

He’s a pain

I had to write these lyrics about him

‘Bout him ‘bout him

 

Well I hear he went up to Wagga Wagga

Against werewolves he ease-ly won

Then he apparated to the ministry

To eat breakfast with Malfoy and his son

Well he’s where the press is all the time

And when he’s not he’s with

Some poor scarred boy or his next victim

His next victim, and

 

He’s a pain

I had to write these lyrics about him

He’s a pain

I had to write these lyrics about him

‘Bout him ‘bout him

He's a pain