attackfish

I know! Since some of my disabilities are neurological in nature, I don't even know if I would be me anymore without them, and the thought's disturbing. Those are the ones I wouldn't take a cure for. Even my doctors have theorized I'm so good at language processing because my brain overcompensated for lack of visual processing ability, and my mom jokes that when I learned to talk, the words just took over the rest of my brain, and that's why I have the vision processing problems. Actually it's brain damage from the seizures, but still, what if I can't pick up new languages as easily because I'm distracted by the new visual data? That's one of my main skill sets! And that's no where near as extreme a change as suddenly not being autistic is. I went through such a change once before, when I first went into treatment. I was having seizures nearly constantly, and I acted something like an autistic kid (being a kid as I was, not that all people with autism are kids) in the throes of a psychotic break. The transition was agonizingly slow, and I don't really remember it, because of the seizures themselves, and I don't remember who I was before, either, but the reason losing treatment scares me so bad is that the person wearing my body back then wasn't me, and going back to that would be like dying, or being possessed. Going through a change like that takes away so much of what you are and replaces it. It's like you're a completely different person, possibly with someone else's memories.