attackfish

AS I said before I love how you think. I am a fan of your short stories esp on Zuko. I have ADHD, I suspect that I am non lateralized as well, and I have a significant anxiety disorder. None of my disabilities are visible however, and I have to fit society's mold-one that I never seem to fit. Needless to say I have BIG issues with authority figures that always want me to adhere to their notions of perfection. I am almost always overstimulated and tired, but I crave the action and business, unfortunately my busy little mind never wants to slow down, I feel like a hamster on speed. Im tough because Ive had to be a loner so much of my life. I never fit in because my behavior is just subtly wrong. People pick up on this but don't know why. I am so distracted that I spend looong hours at work just to stay on top of what my boss terms a normal workload. I'm medicated for my mood disorder and to try to help my focus. I'm just getting the titration right, but will I be able to survive at my job long enough (my boss knows). Luckily, I'm really good with my patients, (Im a therapist) they love my energy and sence of humor, my wittiness. Im good at reading between the lines and being empathetic, also I suspend judging on the basis of my reality. Ive been judged and pigeonholed so often I try really hard to not do it to others. Helping them adapt, use their abilities and focus on all the small victories. I take on too much (one of my symptoms is a belief in unending energy-well it is true that I have more than most), I can't sit still and fall asleep in lectures, I can't screen any sensory information, so I may have some perceptual problems in addition to a slight hearing loss, this does affect me at work in a busy therapy gym when I am trying to talk to my patient and my assistants are trying to talk to me but I cant hear clearly nor can I focus, so they repeat themselves and write me notes. My sence of humor is a smoke screen for insecurities . . . the hampster runs on . . . I almost fit into many roles, Mother, Wife, Therapist, Bellydancer, Performer, Shy, Archery-for-fun, understanding friend, loner, most people like me but in small doses, my energy and moodiness makes them tired, they say I am hard to get to know, they are right, I will never let them too close. Im glad my kids dont have my ADHD, or my lactose intolerance or my tactile issues, I am lucky in that I might get to have well adjusted children. Would I get rid of my disabilities, no they make me who I am . . . tenacious, intelligent, self-sufficient, loner, strong, funny, non judgemental. I wish the world would be better at accepting that my reality is right for me & I should not be judged on what I cannot change. Oh I wish . . . Sorry for the fragmented thoughts, it is who I am. I really enjoy your fiction and no wonder you understand me & speak my language, more later Hilary