Getting to know you weirdos meme

[attackfish]

Ganked without attribution from people on other people's f-lists

I know very little about some of the people on my friends list. Some people I know relatively well. But here's a thought: why not take this opportunity to tell me a little something about yourself. Any old thing at all. Just so the next time I see your name I can say: "Ah, there's Parker ...she likes money and cereal." I'd love it if everyone who's friended me did this. (Yes, even you people who I know really well.) Then post this in your own journal [only if you feel inclined]. In return, ask me anything you'd like to know about me and I'll give you an answer*.

*Providing it's answerable/suitable for public posting.

Comments

[lalunatique.livejournal.com]

Obviously my genetic disease wasn't real and I was just sick because my parents were bad, or because I was a bad kid or something.

That reminds me of John 9 ( http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+9&version=NIV ), where Jesus's disciples asked him whether a man blind from birth was blind because of his sins or his parents'. Jesus replied it was so the works of God could be shown through him, then promptly cured his blindness 'cause that's how the Jeez rolls, yo.

Though I'm not a Christian anymore, this chapter still resonates with me not because of the whole magical healing aspect (which I've never taken literally, not even back when I went to church) but because of the message that a person's inborn harships are not a punishment but a potential for greatness and meaning.

That's what the spiritual agnostic, or more accurately lover of story, in me says anyway. The rational and scientific part of me says it's just random chance and could just as well be anyone or their loved one so shut the fuck up you science-ignoring ignorant ignoramuses.

Evidently the rational part of me has a bit of a temper. And a low tolerance for stupidity.

"If you really loved your parent/spouse/child/whatever it wouldn't be a burden" bullshit.

I hope for the sake of their souls that those horribly hurtful words were a misguided and ignorant attempt to get her spirits up. Which makes it no less wrong, just helps me feel less stabby.

It's all the more wrong because the barest glimmer of common sense should tell anyone that love makes it harder, not easier, to watch loved ones suffer and fear constantly for their safety. In my planned essay about Eowyn facing down the Nazgul as a metaphor for caregiving (your sharing your mother's story gave me the impetus to write it--you're making me all kinds of productive here), the title is in fact "Love as a Battle" and the argument is that love is the risk Eowyn is taking in that scene. The Witch-King's threat is specifically that he will not kill Eowyn, just Theoden. Surviving a loved one after pouring one's time, energy, and spirit into their care really is the kind of spiritual flaying and eternal torment that the Nazgul promises her, one that Eowyn can walk away from by not committing to protect and care for for her uncle.

She refuses to do so because she knows her spirit is stronger than any torments Mordor can threaten: Yes, the loss is hard and it will never really end, and yes, maybe she can cut her losses by refusing to commit herself completely to this difficult and terrifying process. She knows that it will be a compromise of herself to give anything less than her entire self, though, and though others will be completely understanding of her choice she could never forgive herself.

It's also significant that the prophecy set things up so that the Witch-King would be afraid of a woman but not a man. (I also read a humorous fanfic that pointed out that hobbits, Dwarves, Elves, Ents, Gandalf, etc. etc. are also not Men. I really should hunt down the link for the essay.) Caregiving has been primarily, though far from exclusively, a woman's domain, and it makes sense that the Nazgul as a sickness that inflicts the mind should fear a woman. He had even better reason to fear this particular woman who had been caring for her ailing uncle for years, something that may have given her the courage to look unblinking into the eyes of fear itself.

I'd like to dedicate the essay to your mother when I write it, would that be okay? If you'd like I could send the draft to you first to make sure I didn't misrepresent anything or accidentally share details you wouldn't want me to, though I don't think I know anything more than what you shared on LJ.

[attackfish.livejournal.com]

Livejournal doesn't like biblegateway. This got caught in my spam filter. Thanks for the quote. I bet I can use this when people get all obnoxiously Calvinist in their whole "God rewards the righteous, and if you were a better person, you wouldn't suffer so." Course, they're usually so freaked out by a Jew quoting their scripture at them that they don't pay attention to the scripture I quote.

I personally think to be rational in this world is to be pissed off.

I hope for the sake of their souls that those horribly hurtful words were a misguided and ignorant attempt to get her spirits up.

Mom usually heard it from people who were trying to guilt her into not asking for help, because in the insane troll logic universe they claimed we lived in, if she really loved her kids, she wouldn't need any help. It was just one more justification they used to abdicate any responsibility.

The thing is, I've never been the caretaker for another human being, and I have only second hand experience with my mother's difficulties caring for myself and my brother, but I have nursed quite a few animals through long term and terminal illnesses (it comes with having seven birds and eleven dogs) I have lost birds that for more than a year before they died, I had to hand feed every day. I've lost dogs that I've had since I was a little girl, and who when the medication was no longer able to deal with the pain, I had to decide to put to sleep.I've taken care of a dog who had to be held up while he peed, had to have his bowl held up to him when he ate, who had to relearn how to walk, and who was terrified of me, because he had been abused. If I didn't love them, it wouldn't hurt. I wouldn't spend every waking (and a lot of unwaking, I tend to dream about my charges dying, and I know Mom did too) moment worrying, and running over and over every possible thing I could do to make it a little better. How would love possibly make it easier? It makes you do it, but it makes it so much harder.

Oddly enough, one of my White Lotus fics (I figure this is far down enough in the thread that no one is going to casually run across this) has as one of its themes that trust isn't about truth and belief but about giving somebody the power to hurt you, and the difference between love and trust. So this has been, from a completely different angle, on my mind lately. I'm really interested in reading your essay, and I'm really flattered you would want to dedicate it to my mother. She's actually a huge LotR fan, and Eowyn is one of her favorite characters. The idea of "love as a battle" in caregiving is really fitting. When you're caring for someone, and everything is going wrong, and you're terrified they're not going to make it, you face down the world, fate, death, darkness and pain, even God to say no, you will not win. And sometimes it doesn't work, and sometimes, not often, it does.