Some days

[attackfish]

We were talking about bullies and I listened to my fellow teaching students just not get it in so many kind, well meaning ways.  And then my teacher asked about our own experiences with bullying, and everyone in the class talked.  Most said they had never been bullied, the rest mentioned isolated incidents, and talked about how standing up to the bullies really worked!  And I looked around at this room of earnest faces, and realized none of them had a clue.

Most people want to become teachers because public school was a place of joy for them.  I feel a little alone right now.

Comments

[marfisa.livejournal.com]

So I guess my point is that even when the things adults tell you to do to try to deal with bullying on your own do more or less work, they may only apply to certain very limited and specialized circumstances and involve large amounts of luck.

[attackfish.livejournal.com]

Exactly. It works some of the time, to some extent, in certain situations. For example, no one started bullying me in third grade (worst year by far) because I was physically vulnerable, or even primarily because I was socially vulnerable. They ignored me because they were afraid of me, and then when my seizures stopped, they bullied me to prove to themselves and each other that they weren't afraid of me anymore. Ignoring them did nothing, and standing up to them only made them more determined to prove they weren't afraid of me. If a kid is being bullied because of some perceived transgression, being queer for example, or being labeled the school slut, ignoring and standing up won't work, because the bullies think they're punishing the victim. If a kid is being bullied by one or a small group of very determined bullies, ignoring or standing up to the bullies might work, or it might make them double down. Ignoring and/or standing up to the bullies, in the very best case, means that the bullies will switch targets. This doesn't solve the problem at all, since it just means there's another kid suffering.