Two Drabbles on Historical Romance
Apr. 20th, 2009 12:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
attackfishI have made these bits of silliness and froth, one each, for the ladies at Smart Bitches Trashy Books, the wonders who managed to get me to read romance and enjoy it (but only the good stuff) as a congratulations for their successful google bombing of Amazon rank and for the release of their book Beyond Heaving Bosoms: The Smart Bitches' Guide to Romance Novels. Excuse the purple prose, the anachronisms, and the fact that for the most part, bodice rippers went out in the mid 80's...
For Smart Bitch Candy
Bodice Ripper
He pounced on her as soon as the door slammed shut behind her, creaking on its hinges and scraping against the tiles. Her cloak fell away in a velvet rustle, his lips finding her neck. With a ripping sound shattering the quiet of their breaths, her corset strings broke under his hands and it tumbled to the floor.
"Really love," she panted, "it's not that I don't like this, but could you give me some warning next time so I can wear a dress I don't like?"
"Why does it take so long to get you out of these clothes?"
For Smart Bitch Sarah
Secret Cabin Boy
The pirate captain swept off his overly ostentatious hat and pressed it to his chest, watching the flaxen-haired cabin boy mop the deck while he summoned the courage to speak. "I was wondering," he coughed, "If, and please, please forget I ever asked if you're not, you would be amenable to, erm... coming to bed with me?"
There was no chance, she supposed, if he were that way inclined. "I hate to disappoint you," she glowered, "but actually, I'm a girl."
"That's okay, I'm bisexual."
"Oh!" she said gleefully, "the seduction's still on then?"
"I won't tell if you won't."
For Smart Bitch Candy
Bodice Ripper
He pounced on her as soon as the door slammed shut behind her, creaking on its hinges and scraping against the tiles. Her cloak fell away in a velvet rustle, his lips finding her neck. With a ripping sound shattering the quiet of their breaths, her corset strings broke under his hands and it tumbled to the floor.
"Really love," she panted, "it's not that I don't like this, but could you give me some warning next time so I can wear a dress I don't like?"
"Why does it take so long to get you out of these clothes?"
For Smart Bitch Sarah
Secret Cabin Boy
The pirate captain swept off his overly ostentatious hat and pressed it to his chest, watching the flaxen-haired cabin boy mop the deck while he summoned the courage to speak. "I was wondering," he coughed, "If, and please, please forget I ever asked if you're not, you would be amenable to, erm... coming to bed with me?"
There was no chance, she supposed, if he were that way inclined. "I hate to disappoint you," she glowered, "but actually, I'm a girl."
"That's okay, I'm bisexual."
"Oh!" she said gleefully, "the seduction's still on then?"
"I won't tell if you won't."
