I Hate "Teachable Moments": Disability and Fanfiction, or How Not to Fail at Disability in Comments

[attackfish]

Writing my current chapterfic, Children of Mars, is becoming a didactic exercise.  The writing itself is as much a pleasure as ever, and has even gained a sense of catharsis, but when it comes time to post, I want to just save it to my computer and never let one more idiot reader anywhere near it.  Now I know not all of you dear readers are idiots, and one of the things I like best about writing fanfiction is the social framework and critique of fandom (yeah, I write for the comments, such a bad girl) and I have never felt this way about posting a fic before.  Before I have always written about able-bodied characters.

My writing Snape with a disability along with werewolfism is part protest at the way characters with disabilities were portrayed in the books I read as a child and part personal expression of myself as a writer with disabilities.  We don’t have the same disability, in the story Snape uses crutches, whereas I’m oxygen dependent and have an immune disease, but we share a certain status as people with disabilities, or (good God) disabled people.  It’s wonderful, and freeing, and it makes me feel so much better after bad days.

But once I post, it seems like so many of the reviews I receive are “teachable moments” and that’s not so wonderful.

Some of you have been saying you can’t wrap your heads around Snape as disabled.  That isn’t because of anything inherent in either Snape as a character or disability, but in cultural narratives that paint people with disabilities as either weak, or more insidiously as plucky, happy symbols of Good, like the damsel in distress in action movies, not a character so much as an object.  Snape will never be a tragic, passive, stoic cripple (a word that I see a lot in reviews and makes me throw up a little in my mouth each time).  He will never be helpless.  He is and always will be a snarky git.  So many of the reviews talk about how horrible all of the other characters are to him.  Well, he’s horrible to them.  Besides which if anyone, even Lily, especially Lily, were suddenly to treat him like a helpless incompetent child who can’t protect himself or do a thing on his own, he would hex them all into oblivion.  When people do that to me, I wish I could.

When I was a kid, books about people with disabilities seemed to end one of two ways.  Either the pure, good, tragic cripple died, or the pure, good, tragic cripple was cured.  Okay, there were also villains whose disabilities were a symbolic sign of their inner corruption, but I’m not even going to touch that one.  Such endings are incredibly disheartening for me, growing up, because I didn’t want to die, and I was never going to be miraculously cured.  I had to carve out a happy ending of my own that included my disability.   For those of you who keep saying you want Snape’s leg repaired at the end, you are tapping into that same disenfranchising cultural narrative.  Stop it.  Stop it now.  Don’t make me get out my squirt bottle of wrathful smiting.  Whatever ending I write (and I will spoil this, if nothing else) Snape and his disability will be around at the end, along with their happy ending.

One thing I didn’t mention about the perfect tragic cripple trope is that they are always portrayed as lacking any sort of sexuality at all.  They neither have sexual feelings or are appropriate objects of desire for other characters.  What. The. Hell.  Okay, okay, there is one type of character with disabilities allowed to lust, the disabled villain.  Of course their sexuality is always portrayed as deviant, and threatening, and further sign of their evil.  Now, no one has sent me a comment with this bit of fail in it, as Snape hasn’t done any more than engage in some canon unrequited Lily love, but I’m waiting,  When the situation calls for them, I’ll get these too.  I have no doubt.

All of this makes me feel even more queasy as I write this, and I get no catharsis or enjoyment from it.  It shouldn’t be my job, but because I will continue writing characters with disabilities, not just in fic but in original works as well, I have put myself in the position of teaching by example, so for my own peace of mind, I must also teach directly.  I’m sure those characters will get similar sorts of reviews, sometimes, if I’m lucky, from reviewers and writers I respect.  When I send my stories out into the world, the knowledge that people will read my characters differently because of their disabilities will always be there.

Snape is not tragic.  He is not a poor crippled boy to be protected and treated nicely by the noble heroes.  He is the hero.  He will fight against and work with his disability, but ultimately, he will do it on his own, like all of us must do at the end of the day.

I’m sure I didn’t cover everything in this post, and a lot of you will be rolling your eyes going “yes, we know all this” and  this is really basic realize people with disabilities are people stuff, but I keep getting comments where I have to reiterate this.  All of you dear readers who do know all this, thank you, and no fear all, I’m still writing Children of Mars and other fanfics.

Comments

[attackfish.livejournal.com]

This is very true too. Opiates have a place. It's in pain treatment. They're needed.

[heartofslash.livejournal.com]

100% total agreement. (Here fo\rom metafandom - I scout out the disability posts.)

Eating well helps, but it doesn't cure.

Exercise is a great thing. Hen you can do it.

Antidepressants... there is nothing worse than hearing a doctor say, "Oh, sure there's dry mouth and a little weight gain and somnolence, but if they REALLY want to get better, they'll put up with that..."

I'm doing everything my new pain specialist tells me to do - not even because I think she's right (which I do) but because she is the first doctor I have EVER been able to sit down with and tell my history and symptoms and undergo an examination without me crying a single bit.

House has me half in tears just when I channel surf past him on TV . I would not survive an RL consultation with him.

All these people tell me, "You should watch House, he's a realistic portrayal blah blah blah..." Yeah, he's realistic all right. A realistic portrayal of an asshole, and that may be amusing to people who've never had a doctor say, "Well, we don't know what it is, but you do realize you're never going to be 'normal', don't you?" but it's not amusing to me. He's got a cane. Whoop-de-doo. I've got a half dozen canes.

Sorry. Enough ranting. You make very good points. Thank you.

[attackfish.livejournal.com]

Hey, me too! Their tag system is really well organized!

I've found the sicker someone is, the better they eat in self defense. It doesn't fix us. And really, there's nothing like being told "Oh you're just depressed, here's some pills for that, go away".

Hey, that's how I feel about my OBGYN and my family doc. They both trust me and have decided I know more about what's going on than they do, and they call my immune doc before they do anything I'm unsure about.

I would survive a RL consultation with House, but I don't think he would, and that is the only thing I can find amusing about him.

Thank you for popping over. More of us I think need to say why we don't like House.

[gement.livejournal.com]

Bravi, bravi, bravisimi. (Here from kaizoku. Amen, and thanks for reminding me to consider disabilities in my own work.)

[attackfish.livejournal.com]

Thank you, I didn't even realize kaizoku had linked to me. I hope you do. You'd have a built in audience. I'm much more likely to read a given piece of erotica (or anything, really) if at least one character has a disability.

[ladyjax.livejournal.com]

I came this way via friends of friends (or something like that). Thank you very much for your insightful post. It reminded me of those times when I need to shut up and listen just as I expect people to shut up and listen when I lay something out about race.

[attackfish.livejournal.com]

I spent most of Racefail09 reading and going "I hope I don't sound like that... Oh I probably do. MUST WORK ON THAT!" Shutting up and listening is good. Contributing works with as little fail as one is capable of is better! *Is sad that you don't write for any of the fandoms I read*

[coldneedles.livejournal.com]

Thank you for this. It needed to be said and you did so brilliantly, although it should go without saying.

I'm chronically ill and coming to identify as disabled and I've been very frustrated at the portrayl of disability in fandom. I read things with disabled characters because the world assumes that everyone is ablebodied/neurotypical and for once I want to see someone vaguely like me represented.

But I keep running into terrible stories and people in the comments are all amazing! inspiring! tragic! and I'm left thinking, well that's like my life and I didn't find that story inspirational, it just made me feel bad about myself. And then I wonder if I've got the spoons to deal with criticising someone's ableist masterpiece and probably getting a load of abuse back.

(If you're interested what's currently makng me wince is this story: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4342893/1/A_Dimly_Lit_Summer)

[attackfish.livejournal.com]

*Reads beginning of fic, vomits into mouth, can't finish* So nice of you to inflict that on me.

I realized a few months ago that every single original novel idea either starred a character with disabilities or had a character with disabilities in an important position with lots of screen time. The one novel that didn't has the character gain two disabilities at the end and carry them on through the next two books in the trilogy. Only one of them shares my disability, but still. All of them are plot movers. This is a drop in the bucket, but I kinda hope kids with disabilities will run across them instead of The Secret Garden. I also am now making a concerted effort to write more characters with disabilities in my fic, so that there's one more person out there writing things like the above monstrosity. I don't know about you, but I don't think I have the stomach to comment on it.

The portrayal of characters with disabilities (and their parents) is one of the reasons I fell hard and fast for Avatar the last Airbender. That's pop culture, yes? Maybe that'll do some good. Also, their fandom seems to have less fail in that area (though like all fandoms, it makes up for it in others).

[coldneedles.livejournal.com]

Sorry about that. I wouldn't read to the end- it only gets worse. Bad writing, bad characterisation, hideous ableism and relationship dynamics.

No matter how much shit you get from clueless non-disabled people you're doing a very important thing in writing characters with disabilities.

[attackfish.livejournal.com]

Was not planning too!

Thank you, I just wish I had some more company doing it.

[quiet000001.livejournal.com]

A wheelchair is not a tragedy, for crying out loud.

Oh my gosh, YES. My husband was also a full-time wheelchair user and if people 'got' that we were actually together, annoyingly frequently someone would come up to me and, in a totally well-meaning sort of way, tell me how much of an angel (or similar) I was.

Because, you know, I got nothing out of our relationship whatsoever and was only with him because he was a poor sap with disabilities!

(I was actually LESS annoyed by the person in college who, when they found out I was dating someone in a wheelchair, blurted out 'but how do you have sex?!?!' because at least they ASKED and assumed it was something we were going to want to do.)

[yahtzee63.livejournal.com]

Check out the film "Coming Home" sometime -- there's a very intimate, very hot scene between Jon Voight as a paraplegic and Jane Fonda.

[attackfish.livejournal.com]

Thank you, I'll have to check it out (thank you Netflix)

[attackfish.livejournal.com]

*blush*

[attackfish.livejournal.com]

I actually dated someone very briefly, who liked all of the "Oh you're such an angel!" so much I got the impression it was the real reason he was dating me. It's not a good feeling.

To the last, very creatively, now try not to swallow your foot.

[dine.livejournal.com]

excellent post! I'm sorry people continue to fail all over the place.

not sure if you're looking for recs, but synecdochic gets it right in her stuff (she's disabled, and understands the reality)

she's written a lot of SG-1, including several major AU series focused on Cameron Mitchell. she writes long and well, and even if it's not really your fandom, you may enjoy her stuff.

one is Broken Wings:
http://www.kekkai.org/synecdochic/sg1/bw.html

the other, Mezzanine, is genderflipped (Cam is female), but also awesome:
http://www.kekkai.org/synecdochic/sg1/mezzanine/index.html

[attackfish.livejournal.com]

I am, but I've never been able to get into SG, so...

I am glad to have some company as a fic writer with disabilities, though.

Thank you.

[quiet000001.livejournal.com]

I can kind of see how a certain type of person would like it, but it always just made me feel weird and uncomfortable. (The people who assumed that wheelchair = deaf and mute were MUCH easier to deal with, because when they asked me a question they should've directed to him, I'd just either stare at them silently or very clearly say "I don't know, why don't you ask him?")

(I was so busy going 'did you SERIOUSLY just SAY THAT?' that I did not, alas, respond. Luckily, one of my friends was there and she came up with some kind of clever response.)

[haddayr.livejournal.com]

hear, hear!

(Referred by various folks)

[attackfish.livejournal.com]

I've never been in the position of miscast angel, because my obvious disability means that when I date someone else with disabilities, we get the "isn't that sweet they found each other, poor things" instead, and you're right, the ones who assume I'm deaf and mute are easier deal with, because than I can prove them very very wrong.

I'm the clever response one of my family and friends... Though usually the responses pop out without input from my brain. They're not very well behaved responses.

[attackfish.livejournal.com]

*raises glass to someone who has done a lot more for disability blogging than I do*

Out of curiosity (I had a sudden explosion of comments on this in the last few hours) could you tell me if you had a sudden further referral today?

[bunnymcfoo.livejournal.com]

Honestly, I would bump it up on your queue were I you. It's an amazing show, and the respect and realism that it grants all of its characters, regardless of who they are is kind of amazing.

And frankly, the more people who know and love Jason Street and Herc, the happier I am. :)


(sorry, that was supposed to come from me, not her. Dear self: when sharing a computer with your best friend, check to see who's logged in. *facepalm*)

[attackfish.livejournal.com]

No worries!

Since it was behind Avatar, which I loved so much I rushed out and bought the series, and started reading and writing fanfic in a second fandom, and Mad Men, and a bunch of other recommendations from this list, it shall have to wait a bit longer. All of these phenomenal shows, how can I pick?

Heh, no worries. I used to do that RPing when i had multiple characters running.

[haddayr.livejournal.com]

I had two friends send it to me yesterday and the day before via IM and personal message.