attackfish | Entries tagged with drabble

Author's Note: So I've seen some fics lately where Zuko's the Avatar, and this is my take on that. I suppose background is just that Aang froze to death instead of just freezing (sorry Aang), the Water Avatar was born in the foggy swamp and never knew what she was, and the Earth Avatar died in childhood. Still, as far as anyone knows, the Avatar disappeared a hundred years ago, and Zuko is scarred and banished as in canon. This takes place at the same time as in canon, Aang would have been getting out of the ice.

Banner

The ship bucked and groaned with the storm. His blanket curled up around his neck, Zuko dozed fitfully.

With a great lurch, the ship bounced off an iceberg, and Zuko toppled off his bed. In that half-second before he hit, he exhaled, and the air hit the floor like a jet. Before he even had time to think, he found himself rolling safely back onto his bed.

Zuko stared at the insignia on the far wall, momentarily transfixed, and experimentally twisted towards it. A great gust sent it flapping against the wall, and Zuko closed his eyes in misery.

Author's Note: So the other day, I gave Iroh a really silly drabble. This counterbalences that. Poor Iroh; a Dragon's work is never done.

Harmless Old Man

The tea streamed into the porcelain cup, but the man sitting behind wasn’t really there for the tea. Iroh could always tell which ones were there to gawk at the Dragon of the West, to see their old nightmare gentled and humble and safe.

But that was alright, because he wasn’t really there for the tea either.

The Dai Li trickled back into the city with the multitudes, and the Earth King’s new power crouched unsteadily on his shoulders, restlessly waiting for someone to pluck it away, but no one tried. No one dared rouse the Dragon of the West.

Teabending

Bumi’s bending was really getting out of hand.

The table lurched between Iroh and Pakku, hurling their tea out of their cups and their pai sho tiles onto the quaking ground. Desperately, Iroh shoved all of his weight onto it to steady it, but the damage was already done. “Awww.”

Rolling his eyes, Pakku bent the tea back into the cups.

“You bend tea?”

“I’m a master waterbender; of course I can bend tea!”

“I know, I just never put it together before!” Suddenly, firebending wasn’t... He wished he was a waterbender.

Until Pakku froze his tea in its cup.

Time Flies

“I learned to bend water in vines at the side of my mother and father,” the young woman held her head high, hands balled into determined fists, “I mastered earthbending when I was seventeen. The Fire Lord herself taught me. I am twenty years old, and one element away from becoming a fully realized avatar. I’m ready.”

The temple elder cocked her head and stared at her sideways, pulling her wizened, scrawny, shriveled body up to cartwheel and flip down to her. “But do you think you can fly?”

All of her bravado spilled away behind a little girl’s grin.

Author's Note: Oh come on, we all know the next Avatar's going to be from the swamp. Yes, that temple elder is Ty-Lee, and in my head, the current fire lord for this is Zuko's granddaughter.

Shipper on Deck

“Zuko!” Toph exclaimed, “You should date Katara!”

Suddenly all of the ways the waterbender could kill him flashed through his mind. “No!”

“Awww.”

~*~

“Teo, you should date Katara.”

He rolled his wheels backwards quickly. “Ummm... I don’t think...”

“Coward.”

~*~

“Haru, you have to date Katara.”

“Toph!” He jumped and whirled around in surprise. “But there’s this Kyoshi warrior girl-”

She hit him. “Why!”

~*~

“That’s it!” Toph yelled, and dragged Aang to her, planting a solid kiss squarely on his lips.

“I’m with Katara!” he sprang out of her reach.

“Ugh,” she growled, pounding the wall and shattering it. “I know!”

Author's note: In which Katara is an unlikely Katherine in Toph's production of The Taming of the Shrew.

This is another one of those drabbles I wrote in the gift exchange at

atlaland, this time fore

suzukiblu. Her fanfic is seriously brilliant, and you can find it at

white_knuckle. Check it out.

Push and Pull

Yue stood thin and insubstantial in the grim half-light of the spirit world. “I am the moon for my people.”

La’s arms hung limp at his sides. “But you aren’t Tui. You can’t be Tui.”

The ocean spirit was crying, she realized, like a person, and she was the moon spirit, and every thing hurt and itched, and didn’t feel right. “I’m sorry,” she said the words falling flat.

His hand rested on her cheek, face slack with desperation. “I barely know you.”

She kissed him on the forehead and pulled away. “We don’t have to love each other yet.”

A Thousand Faces

“Show no fear,” the Avatar warned, “show no emotion at all, but especially not fear.” She nodded, her face still as stone, and folded herself on roots of the tree by the turtle duck pond as the sun went down.

Slowly, slowly she slipped into the spirit world, Iroh and Aang’s descriptions walking beside her.

At Koh’s tree, she waited, and when he came, he was smiling, but though her face was heavy, it did not crack.

With the sunrise, Mai walked out of the spirit world with every face Koh had ever stolen, and Zuko’s cradled in her hands.

Author's Note: At first, I didn't know why Mai was in the spirit world facing Koh, but I grew up listening to those stories like Tam Lin where the heroine rescues her lover from the faery queen and I guess I absorbed some of it. All of a sudden, this went from a very silly drabble about how Mai would own Koh's sorry ass with her stony expression, to something a lot more serious and I hope, kind of sweet. I like giving post-war Fire Lady Mai moments of heroic badassness. Keeps her life from being boring.

Author's Note: After all that running around after and then with the avatar and his brave companions, I can just see Zuko coming home and being really genre savy. This is item number one on the evil overlord list, actually... I don't know, it feels like he's channeling Gen from Megan Whalen Turner's books here, playing innocent and stupid most of the time, and then WHAM, oh yeah, that's why he's Fire Lord.

Form Over Function

“Tell me,” Zuko asked, “Why do Fire Nation troops wear face masks or helmets with visors?”

“They protect their faces and intimidate our enemies,” one of his generals replied, suppressing a sigh.

The new Fire Lord’s eyes flicked over the tax reports on the table and then narrowed on the general. “Really? Because I always thought they just made it easy for people to infiltrate our armed forces.”

The general flinched, finding himself missing Princess Azula. No one ever forgot she was terrifying. “My lord, I don’t...”

“It was really useful during the war," he deadpanned. “Thanks, by the way.”

Walls

The steps were cold under her hands as she walked upwards, and at the top, she bent backwards until her feet touched the landing and bounced up to stand on them instead. “Hi Azula!”

Azula shifted her heavy robes and glared at the blank wall beside her. “Leave.”

Up there, it was cold even in the summer, and her armor felt like ice, pressing in on her. “Sorry.” The heat from Azula’s flames licked at her as they scorched past. “I won’t tell the guards if you don’t do that again.”

Azula had stone and metal pressing in on her.

Coming and Going

Azula dressed in robes, and when she was angry, her nails bit into and cut the silk. “You’re never here when I want you, and you’re always here when I don’t!” Flames gathered, but she squashed them. She didn’t want the guards to come.

“I didn’t think you ever wanted me here.”

“Don’t be stupid, Zuzu.” Him there without her... That would have been nice.

The door didn’t open or close, but all that was there with her was empty room. Not being able to tell him when to leave and when to stay was the worst thing about it.

Hush

When Azula opened her eyes, her mother hovered against the stone wall like a smear of bright blood. Azula’s hands clung to her arms so hard rivulets of blood joined her mother on the stone. “NO!” She howled, “You’re not supposed to be here; you’re not real!”

“Azula,” she whispered, moving close and running her fingers through her daughter’s mangled hair, “It’s alright now. I’m really-”

“No you’re not; I know you’re not!” Her eyes slammed shut and she clutched her arms tighter.

Unwillingly, Ursa slipped out and locked the door behind her, her footfalls echoing dully on the stairs.

Author's Note: I really like the thought of Ty Lee being an airbender and not knowing it. It's an idea I plan to play with in the future. It's not supposed to be Aang/Ty Lee, but I guess it kind of gives that vibe.

Pointing the Way

The hair had finally started to grow back in a soft fuzz. Every morning, she shaved all the way back to the middle of her skull, displaying her still healing arrow gracefully.

She rested her chin on her arms innocently as the needles bit into the skin over her spine, leaving their ink behind.

“It’s all your fault, you know,” and he remembered the way she had flinched and clenched her teeth when those same needles moved over her skull and between her eyes. “No one’s impressed with my acrobatics anymore.”

“I’m still impressed,” Aang told her, re-inking his needles.

Author's Note: This came out more incoherent than I was hoping for. In case you can't tell what's going on, Azula broke out, snuck into thee palace, and confronted Mai and Ty Lee. In the ensuing fight, Azula killed Mai, and Ty Lee killed Azula.

Smoke

“I didn’t betray Azula for you,” she said, hunched over her tea, not looking like herself at all. “Mai did, but I didn’t. I did it for Mai.”

Zuko’s hand was tight around his daughter’s as she pointed to the body on the pyre, black lightening burns still visible on its flesh before the fire consumed it. “That’s not Mommy,” she insisted, “that can’t be Mommy.” He pulled her close.

Hidden away was another pyre where Azula burned with a snapped neck courtesy of Ty Lee.

“Which time?”

She tried to giggle.

“Thank you for coming.” he mumbled.

“Which time?”

I wrote this for

himhilien in the gift exchange at

atlaland because I'm accustomed to giving other people gifts on my birthday. Yes, that is an intentional Star Wars quote as the title.

More Powerful Than You Could Possibly Imagine

“Stop pacing, some of us are trying to feel better.”

“You wouldn’t feel sick in the first place if you hadn’t eaten all those cakes, Sokka.”

“Katara!”

But Katara didn’t even slow down. “I just don’t understand why Toph would want to go home right away. It’s so... sudden.”

“Maybe she thinks that now that she helped Aang win, her parents will realize she’s not weak and fragile,” Zuko muttered.

Meanwhile, trapped in the carriage that would take him to the family of his new body, the Melon Lord stared out of her sightless eyes and planned his ultimate victory.

So this is my entrance into the Avatar the Last Airbender fandom as a writer, and therefore there are now two fandoms I'm active in. I wrote this for

beckyh2112 in the gift exchange at

atlaland where, we the proud Fire Nation are getting our asses handed to us by everyone.

Children’s Stories

“And then the brave Fire Lady Mai turned on the wicked Princess Azula, high above the Boiling Rock...” The storyteller paused for a moment for the gasps of the children around him.

Inside her palanquin, Mai closed her ears to it as she passed, something stinging at the corners of her eyes. She thought about the way it felt up there.

And she thought about the Fire Nation Royal Academy for Girls and about the magnetic, frightened, awkward girl she met her second year in. She signaled her bearers to take her back to the palace as quickly as possible.

Disclaimer: JKR doesn't mind fanfiction writers I hear.

A Matter of Appearances

Black Sentenced to Azkaban The newspaper headline proclaimed, and Walburga scanned the first line, chest fluttering. Notorious mass murderer Sirius Black was sentenced to life in the Wizarding prison yesterday evening...

Her firstborn was a credit to the family after all.

She pulled out a peace of parchment and wrote the letter needed to re-inherit her son.

With both her sons disgraced, for the right reasons, she could bear her own disgrace and wile away her remaining years knowing she raised them well.

And even if Sirius couldn't touch a knut of it in Azkaban, it was the appearances that mattered.

Author's note: This 200 word drabble is part of the Parchment Underground universe and makes no sense unless you have read the other stories in that universe, Blurring and Spectacles.

Disclaimer: In case you were wondering, JKR was never this horrible to everybody.

Safe

James' knees bent and he slid the binder onto the bottom shelf. A shadow fell across his back, and he froze, his hand trapped in the air. "So Potter, what are you doing at Hogwarts in the middle of the Holiday?"

James pushed himself to his feet. "More than you, Avery."

The Death Eater smiled painfully. "Where's your master? I have paperwork for him."

"It's Christmas, where do you think?" James snapped, "He's home with his son."

"And yet you're here." Avery raised his wand and flicked away a piece of lint before pointing it at James.

James backed up quickly, slamming into the bookcase. "I'll take him the paperwork; just leave it."

"I'd love to know how you smuggled out that ledger." The wand flicked up and the air around James' throat and chest hardened. He opened his mouth to suck in breath, but nothing would get past it pressing against him.

"I couldn't have! he gasped, "Bloody hell, how would I have?"

"Keep hoping I won't find out."

The air tightened around him, and he thought he was imagining it when he heard his name from the earring.

As he vanished, he kept his eyes on Avery. Safe.

Author's Note: While taking my Central American Politics class, I wanted to write something set in a world based on Guatemala at the height of the political oppression, but I never managed to get my plot to grow into anything longer than a 250 word drabble. Guatemalan society for more than a hundred years was run by the coffee growing elite, who controlled the government and enforced a form of debt slavery on the rest of the country's population. The military was almost entirely deployed internally, as an arm of political control to keep the peasents working on the coffee plantations.

Coffee Bean Ghosts

The first time Gnat stole something, it was a soldier's coat, into the belly of her dress. She had been pregnant then, so it just looked like more bump. After that, she pilfered a soldier's trousers from the laundry and a box of ammunition from the bed closest to the barracks door. That night, a bayonet hung from a string around her leg. She heard the whispers as she walked past the guards. She's just Alvero's lover, no danger.

As soon as she made her way home, she kissed her husband and he dressed in the soldier's uniform. He hefted the soldier's pack onto his shoulders, and at the rustling inside, Gnat hushed her daughter. The jungle rose thick around them as they crept away, Javier's hand around her waist. "Just looking for a little privacy," he called to the guards at the gate and they looked down at his uniform and the brown faced woman, and waved him through with a laugh.

Out of sight, Gnat pulled a handful of Coffee beans Alvero had given her to show her what she was growing out of her pocket and she tossed them to the ground behind her. "Natalia Calderon y Ortega," she said to them, and as soon as she did, they rose up and followed where She walked. In the darkness, the beans wore the face of her grandmother and stopped them each time they grew too close to soldiers. They slipped into the pack to distract her granddaughter.

I have made these bits of silliness and froth, one each, for the ladies at Smart Bitches Trashy Books, the wonders who managed to get me to read romance and enjoy it (but only the good stuff) as a congratulations for their successful google bombing of Amazon rank and for the release of their book Beyond Heaving Bosoms: The Smart Bitches' Guide to Romance Novels. Excuse the purple prose, the anachronisms, and the fact that for the most part, bodice rippers went out in the mid 80's...

( For Smart Bitch Candy, Bodice Ripper: In which the lady and lord find a way to liven up the loving )

( For Smart Bitch Sarah, Secret Cabin Boy: In which I'm sad to say, the captain isn't wearing a dress or played by Robert DiNero )

Disclaimer: Sweet Nameless Creator(s) I'm glad this isn't canon!

Author's Note: Once again I decry responsibility and lay it squarely at the feet of the lovely ladies at Potions and Snitches, excepting my own self, with a side inclusion of the terrible Cat. Upon viewing one of my challenges, one lady remarked, "why can't you write any happy challenges, Fish, why must it always end in tears?" Cat, who I forced to read this, replied, "or gay marriage..." and another lady at Potions and Snitches, not privy to that verbal insertion responded, "I don't know, you could use love potions..." I said, "but that would take out all the lovely angst!" to which the second lady responded (quite rightly, I must interject) , "The angst comes when the potion wears off and they're locked away in St. Mungos."

Only End in Tears

The tumblers clinked together in mutual misery as their respective possessors brought them to their lips to sip.

"I never notished how lovely your eyes were," James slurred, almost sliding off his stool.

Severus Snape leaned forward to kiss him, the whiskey jumping away as his elbow almost sent it careening over the table edge. A tiny fist formed, pinched from the rest of the glass and shook itself at him.

When the potion wore off some hours later, the alcohol dispersing with it, through their hangovers, both men started to gibber.

They have their own ward at St. Mungos.

Disclaimer: You know this can't be canon because Snape doesn't *ehem* well you know, in canon.

Author's Note: Hey Tabitha, I hope this makes up for my Bellatrix/Fenrir drabble.

A Vision So Terrifying

Professor Snape's scowl bored into Harry's back as he sauntered past, pointedly ignoring the git. His feet shuffled him right into a puddle of spilled ink. They slid out from under him, sending him careening to the ground. "Uhn," the air rushed out of him when his bottom hit the stone.

"You alright?" Ron asked, holding out a hand.

Harry glanced at the ink soaking into his trousers, and then up at the students clustered around, his face flushing. "Just embarrassed."

Snape stalked away with a wide sneering grin stretching across his ugly face.

"That's scary, yeah?" Ron whispered, "Scary."

Author's Note: I blame Rose, who told me today that every time she hears Fenrir/Bellatrix, she mentally adds in mpreg, because "everything's funnier with mpreg", and I blame the ladies and gentlemen at Potions and Snitches, for getting me started on Fenrir/Bellatrix in the first place, and for giving me the title for this drabble.

Disclaimer: Even if I tried to market this, I'd never make any money.

Psycho Death Eating Were-Cubs

Fenrir's heart pounded as he jolted awake. Bellatrix's knife stood poised just beneath his ribs, a drip of his blood welling up. "Are you out of your bloody mind?"

She giggled at his stupid question. "You got me pregnant," she sang, voice high, "And I'm not carrying your mixed breed filth." He panted, his fetid breath, hitting her in the face. When he tried to throw her off, she drove her wand into his throat. "But you can!"

"I don't think you understand how this works," he howled, scrambling to get away.

"I'm going to put our baby inside you!"

Disclaimer: I'm dripping drabbles because it's midterms. JKR doesn't have midterms.

Head of House

"If your work continues at its current quality, you will never even pass your O.W.L., much less actually qualify for N.E.W.T. level potions," first year professor Snape snapped at the Slytherin girl. He never humiliated students in his house in front of others, but in detention...

Her face fell, but then she pasted on a coy smile. "Would private tutoring help?"

"Don't be ridiculous, I do not-"

"Perhaps I can convince you... Sevvikins?" Her hand started to stroke his thigh. He yelped and jumped away, resolving to buy robes, and soon.

It was very satisfying to sign her expulsion order.

Disclaimer: JKR is really friendly to fanfiction writers, actually, so long as we make no money from it.

In which Severus considers the relative intelligence of Professor Trelawney and Sirius Black, and finds his colleague wanting.

The Truth about Bats and Dogs

"Ah, Severus, my inner eye tells me you have been avoiding me." He ignored her. "Is it because you're afraid of what I'll see?" he rammed his mashed potato covered fork into his peas so they stuck like sprinkles to ice cream. "Have you, oh, no, have you seen a large black dog? Have you seen a Grim?"

He choked. "Many times, and I'm not dead yet. Now if you don't mind shutting up-"

But Trelawney was used to that. "It hasn't approached you has it?" she asked, eyes particularly insect-like behind her huge glasses.

"He knows better," he snapped.

Author's Note: Something about having papers due makes me spawn drabbles.

Sirius watched Snape watching Lily Evans, his feelings for her evident in his face, even if Evans never seemed to realize. Sirius sneered as Snape glanced his way for a moment, his expression deepening into a glower. Sirius' eyes made their way back to James, and a flash of something like disapointment shot through him that James wasn't looking back, and he felt sick to his stomach with the knowledge that his own love was just as hopeless and just as pathetic as Snape's. James smiled at Evans, and Snape caught Sirius' eyes again, a cold smirk on his face.

Summary (or an excuse to explain what was in the thirty words I had to cut): In which the Weasley twins find out that Remus and Sirius are Moony and Padfoot.

Idle Worship

The Weasley twins passed Snape, standing at the kitchen door, "Hey Snape, have you seen Sirius and Remus?" He glowered at them until they moved away. A door nearby clicked and he looked up in time to see Lupin ducking inside. The twins grinned at each other and hammered on it. Lupin's voice came through muffled, "No, I will not tell you about all the pranks I played. Stop asking!"

"Fred, George, stop hounding them and help me with these curtains," their mother yelled. The two sulked up the stairs. The pantry door creaked open. "Are they gone?" Sirius asked.

Author's Note: well this YA fantasy novel won't get written...

Cats had only one expression, Carlos found, disdain. He plopped the shelter tabby down on his comforter and turned his head, looking at it from every angle. Flexing its claws, the cat padded across the green and yellow quilt squares, leaving brown, orange, and cream hairs all over them. "Hola, como se llama usted?" it meowed.

Carlos staggered backwards as quickly as his legs would carry him. The cat... The cat... "No hablo Espanol," he babbled, exhausting what little Spanish he had learned from movies and kids at school.

The cat licked its paw, eying him contemplatively, "No hablo Ingles."

This is a is a response to a challenge on

thematic_hp

Disclaimer: Nope, still not JKR...

Prompt: #93 (round 11) Computer/Wizard Interface: Welcome to Computer/Wizard Interface (or some other snazzy name). We update your computer to work with magic and your wizading needs. Bonus - some pureblood that would normally be out of their depth with Muggle technology.
Summary: In which Draco runs afoul of former professors and Muggle wire boxes.

Author's Note: Astoria is Astoria Greengrass, a character not mentioned in the books that JKR said marries Draco. She is Daphne Greengrass' (a Slytherin girl in Draco's year mentioned in book five) younger sister.

( Telephone Trees )

Disclaimer: I am not Stephen Sondheim, I am not JKR. When I do have a published story, I will make money from writing all the time, but sadly, not before.

Care for a Shave?

The man with the white streak in his hair and the absurd Victorian vest smiled terrifyingly at Severus, who backed up. “Sir,” he said, words clipped, “I don’t know who this ‘Judge Turpin’ is, but I suggest you dispose of that razor before I hex you.”

He brandished his wand as the man swallowed sourly. “Perhaps later, your honor.”

Severus backed down the street, so unnerved by the overly insistant barber that he didn’t dare take his eyes off him. He turned around alarmed when he bumped into something, and looked down to see a boy offering him a pie.

This is a plot bunny of Laume's that slunk in on its belly, camouflage paint in its fur. It's apparently what her brain did with No Difference.

April Fools

"Ah Severus, I'm glad you came," the headmaster's voice was grim.

"Is there something wrong, headmaster?"

"No, not wrong, precisely," he replied, standing. "Professor Trelawney had an... accident with Miss Granger's Time Turner."

Severus nodded. "What do you need?"

"Nothing like that, Severus, it's only that she spent nearly a year in the past only shortly after her own birth, and before she left, she and Hagrid had become involved..." Severus stared at him nonplussed. "She bore a child, and he was adopted by your parents."

There was a loud thump.

"Dear dear, Severus. You should pay more attention to dates."

This drabble is a somewhat belated birthday present to Cat devout fan of Neil Gaiman and American Gods especially, who desperately needs to write me some fanfiction from the very obscure Chronicles of the Cheysuli. If she does, I will write her another drabble.

Rotate on This

“I have decided in the interests of security, that as our spy, Severus needs a code word should we need to speak about him outside of the confines of this meeting,” Albus Dumbledore told the Order briskly, “so from now on, he is to be referred to as Wednesday.”

The aforementioned Severus sneered, missing the allusion entirely. “Why, pray tell, am I to be known by the name of a day of the week?”

On the other side of the table, Sirius Black lounged indolently in his chair. “It’s very Low Key,” he smirked.

Remus kicked him under the table.

Hey, I can actually blame these on somebody! This post by

lothy gave me the idea for the first drabble, and the first gave me the idea for the second.

I made no attempt what so ever to use Old English, Latin, or any of the numerous Scottish dialects that founders of Hogwarts might have spoken, partly because I'm lazy, partly because I don't know enough, and partly because the drabble is not at all serious.

Disclaimer: If Harry Potter were mine, the books would have a lot more wine, women, and song.

( Parselscript: In which Salazar Slytherin gets drunk )

( Half-Bloods: In which Harry bonds with a blanket )

Disclaimer: If I were JKR... Damn I wish.

( Snape's Laundry )

( The Pight of the Naugas )

( Pillow Talk )

Disclaimer: If I owned these fellows, my life would be too interesting to bother with fanfiction.

Summaries (in order of drabble):

1. In which Regetti splits hairs… er tentacles.
2. In which Elizabeth Swan makes Pintel’s day.
3. In which James Norrington realizes what he’s afraid of.
4. In which Mr. Gibbs confronts Davy Jones’ darkest fear.
5. In which Jack Sparrow and Mr. Gibbs reminisce.
6. In which the crabs feature prominently.
7. In which Lily and Calypso bond.
8. In which Snape runs afoul of anachronistic muggle cultural references.
9. As does Sirius.

Author's Note: I watched Pirates of the Caribbean 3 for the first time a few days ago and here's the result, a drabble for each of the pieces of eight. alright, so three of them are crossovers and one is almost entirely quotes, but the pieces of eight weren't real pieces of eight anyway.

( One Hundred Years Before the Mast )

( Often, Often )

( Secret Softy )

( Many Jacks )

( Sea Turtles )

And here there be crossovers...

( Girls' Night Out )

( I Knew He Reminded Me of Someone )

( Who Does that Make Barbossa? )

In which I try shallowly and cruelly to make the death of adolescents funny

Disclaimer: I'm not affiliated with J.K. Rowling or any other assorted individuals who can lay claim to the Harry Potter universe

( Ectoplasm Means True Love )

In which Filch and Umbridge learn they have something in common

Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with the Police, and they would likely be less upset than I at what I did with their song title. I also own nothing in the Harry Potter universe, and if I did own Umbridge and Filch, I'd I'd give them to the first idiot willing to take them.

( Don’t Stand so Close to Me )

Summery: : 300 words of krak

Disclaimer: if I owned these fellows, my account would be paid

( Actually, it's a Cephalopod )

( Petty Tyranny )

( Nordic Beauty )

In which the part of Severus Snape will be played by Daffy Duck, or possibly the other way around.

This is blatantly ripped off this cartoon from 1951.

Disclaimer: I'm not affiliated with Warner Brothers, J.K. Rowling, or any other assorted individuals who own some claim to either the cartoon or the Harry Potter universe.

( You’re Despicable )