Absolutely Worthless Post

[attackfish]

So that charity meme was a bust, huh?

...I hate all of you.  It's still open, btw.

Okay, so anyway, I was watching the Avengers with my siblings, and yes, it did take me this long to watch it, shoot me for being late to the party.  And I don't exactly feel fannish about it, but I have this one plot bunny that just won't leave me alone.  A couple of years after Avatar: the Last Airbender ends, and Zuko's got a good stable grip on both his throne and his sanity, somehow Loki gets sent to the Avatarverse for punishment, or Zuko puts the reigns of the Fire Nation in Mai's very capable hands and finds himself in the Marvel movieverse, and he sets himself to hauling Loki onto the path of the righteous by pulling out his most obnoxious Iroh impression:

LOKI: You will die, puny mortal, you will...
ZUKO: *unimpressed face*
LOKI: When I get my powers back, I will put an end to your pathetic little world.
ZUKO: Hey, chill.  Trying to conquer the world to get Daddy to notice you never ends well.  Trust me.
LOKI: He is not my father, and I'm not-
ZUKO: Tea?
LOKI: *Ragefoam*

Oh come on, you know you want it.

ETA: The "I hate you" at the top of this post is not in any way meant seriously.  I'm joking, and I don't hate any of you, except on days ending in "Q".

Comments

complete crack

[dungeonwriter.livejournal.com]

My credit card got stolen, so I can't do any transactions until it's clear, so sorry!

I did make a 15 dollar cash donation to the Red Cross, so consider 3 of it in your honor.

I want Azula and Loki to hook up. Seriously. They could bond over slapping around lesser peasants.

Loki-Is not this simpler? Is this not your natural state? It's the unspoken truth of humanity, that you crave subjugation. The bright lure of freedom diminishes your life's joy in a mad scramble for power, for identity. You were made to be ruled. In the end, you will always kneel.

Azula-Ohhh, very nice subjection, kudos for reminding them it's for their own good. Let me try. Ahem. I can see your whole history in your eyes. You were born with nothing. So you've had to struggle and connive and claw your way to power. But true power, the divine right to rule, is something you're born with. The truth is: they don't know which one of us is going to be sitting down on that throne, and which of us is going to be bowing down. But *I* know, and *you* know.

Loki-Sheer poetry, Princess. Your crushing of the lessers was as beautiful as its speaker. Would you consider the overthrowing of an elder brother to get the throne and getting him banished to be a positive or negative action?

Azula-Sending an elder brother into what should be permanent exile would count as a wonderful first date

Loki-It's agreed. Seizing power at seven, then?

--
*Later, as Thor and Zuko are trapped in the Negative Zone and carnage is being wrecked*

Azula-I usually don't commit mass murder on a first date, but you make me feel very comfortable. *fire blasts a village* There are few like you.

Loki-I agree entirely *is blasting with his spear of destiny* But Princess, there are no men like me. Just one very beautiful woman, who is also burdened with glorious purpose. *makes everyone kneel*

Azula-You flatterer? This old thing? The blood of my enemies does make a good red color, I suppose. But you, you know how to dress. That leather's a sharp outfit, Loki…careful, you could puncture the hull of an Empire-Class Fire Nation Battleship, leaving thousands to drown at sea…because it’s so sharp

Loki-I love the way you think. *holds out a ring*

Azula-Are you asking me to....

Loki-Azula, sometimes, when you meet someone...you just know. We can destroy the Avengers and the Avatar. It is our destiny! Join me, and together, we can rule the galaxy and all the realms as husband and wife! Be with me. It is the only way.

Azula-Of course! We'll just sleep with one eye open for sudden but inevitable betrayal?

Loki-Naturally.

Re: complete crack

[attackfish.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but there actually already is some Azula/Loki fic, and absolutely no "Zuko trolls Loki like Iroh trolled him" fic. The thing is, I'm pretty sure Azula would eat him alive. She's gotten really really good at leading frustrated, resentful balls of angst and daddy issues around by the nose. I mean, being excellent at manipulating others doesn't mean you aren't vulnerable to being manipulated yourself.

On the other hand, "-I usually don't commit mass murder on a first date, but you make me feel very comfortable." *dies*

I can count all $15 of it, and give you 500 words: http://attackfish.livejournal.com/122396.html

Re: complete crack

[dungeonwriter.livejournal.com]

Ohhh, Azula would totally destroy him, but he'd be one of her better lovers. She'd just take him apart later.

It wasn't meant to be serious, hence the Star Wars quotes, but I'm glad you liked it.

Hmmm, Iroh/Loki travel fic? I do love Zuko but I think he's still too angst-muffin even at his best.

Awww, I'm honored.

Re: complete crack

[attackfish.livejournal.com]

Silly is its own ind of wonderful. I love silly. You can never have enough silly.

Give Zuko 10, maybe 20 years, (or ooh, until LoK time, after he abdicates) and I think the angst would settle down some. I am only suggesting an older Zuko who has gotten a really firm grip on his own issues, after all. Teenage, even twenty year old Zuko? Not so much of a good idea. (Like this: http://fanficforensics.deviantart.com/art/Troll-on-board-308927360)

On a side note, in a lot of ways, Iroh's like a much smarter/wiser Thor, isn't he?

It's no problem. I had my purse stolen once, and it was such a pain in the rear... Anyway, go over there and shoot me some prompts.

Re: complete crack

[dungeonwriter.livejournal.com]

200-Lu Ten and Iroh Paternal fic, theme crowns

200-Toph, new ways

100-White Color, Neal, Fears

White Collar, Neal - Fears

[attackfish.livejournal.com]

If there was one thing Neal had always been good at, it was falling into the shmaltz pot. He slipped out of the vintage suit and into vintage silk pajamas, and into a bed so soft it almost hurt. Less than a day after getting out of prison and here he was. Not bad. The city lights flickered through the glass. There was glass everywhere. It was a room made for light, and it bathed in light. Neal grinned.

And the grin stayed, brittle and sharp as the sun rose on a man who couldn't even believe his own smiles.

Re: White Collar, Neal - Fears

[dungeonwriter.livejournal.com]

Awww, so amazing, thank you!

Re: White Collar, Neal - Fears

[attackfish.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. he has an amazing capacity for self-delusion. Which seems to be the one constant in my fave characters.

Avatar: the Last Airbender, Toph - New Ways

[attackfish.livejournal.com]

She sat at her parents' table with her knees splayed wide and her hands laced behind her head, elbows jutting out like signposts. I am here. I will take up space. I will own it. You can't move me. "You're being very disrespectf-" her mother said.

"Yes Toph," her father interrupted. "We've missed you very much."

She felt very small, her body spread as wide as it would go, and she still felt small. "You know, I might, uh, hang around for a while, build my school here.

"School?" Her father answered. "You don't need to do build a school."

"But I want to."

Her mother sighed. "What your father means is, you're home now. That's not the sort of thing you're supposed to be doing. You're our daughter."

"I trained the Avatar!" Toph slammed her fist on the table. "It's exactly the sort of thing I'm supposed to be doing!"

"You weren't supposed to do that either!" her father snapped.

"Yeah, well, I did it." She couldn't be there. "You got to deal with that."

Toph swung her arms wide as she walked out the door, because she could be moved. She was going to own some other space.

Re: Avatar: the Last Airbender, Toph - New Ways

[dungeonwriter.livejournal.com]

Wow, this one is incredible. Sad, but so beautiful.

Re: Avatar: the Last Airbender, Toph - New Ways

[attackfish.livejournal.com]

Okay, Toph's family might not have sucked as much as Zuko's, but they still sucked.

Avatar: the Last Airbender, Lu Ten and Iroh - crowns

[attackfish.livejournal.com]

There was a memory that struck him with a horrible, overwhelming force every time his nephew sent him a letter, that bore the royal seal.

"I was born when my father was already Firelord," he told his son. "I have never not been the Crown Prince." He'd lived a breath away from ruling since his first breath had been drawn. It was a strange and weighty thing to say to his son, who had two breaths between him and the throne, almost a confession.

"I know that, dad," Lu Ten snorted, sitting beside him in the tent.

Later, it would strike him that there they were going off to war together, and it hadn't crossed his mind that it might be Lu Ten who died. He'd thought he would die and leave his son the Crown Prince. "When your mother was alive, I envied her because she had a chance to see her son rule, and I knew I would have to be dead before you could be crowned."

Iroh had lived to see his son be crowned Firelord. He picked up the scroll, and pulled open the royal seal, and stood there until he knew the tears wouldn't fall.

Re: Avatar: the Last Airbender, Lu Ten and Iroh - crowns

[dungeonwriter.livejournal.com]

Sniffle, this one is my favorite, it's so sad and so beautiful.

Re: Avatar: the Last Airbender, Lu Ten and Iroh - crowns

[attackfish.livejournal.com]

Figures you'd like the wibblefit one best. Thank you.